These games we play
by xx myth master xx
Summary: Maura never jumps off bridges. Maura never shoots people through herself. Maura never becomes the object of a deranged psychopath's fantasy. It is when Jane walks into the line of fire to save a little girl that Maura holds her breath. These are the moments where she cannot breathe. It is not voluntary. It just is. Post 5x12. Rizzles slow burn. {UPDATE: Final chapter is up.}
1. Chapter 1

They like to think that they are partners. Fighting crime together. Battling the evils of the world. But Maura never has to walk into the lion's den. Maura never jumps off bridges. Maura never gets shot. Maura never becomes the object of a deranged psychopath's fantasy, although there was that one time he did almost kill her. And then that whole thing with Paddy, but that is a whole different matter.

It is when Jane walks into the line of fire to save a little girl that Maura holds her breath. These are the moments where she cannot breathe. It is not voluntary. It just is. And then there is that phone call that terrifies her more than anything, and she waits for it always. There is a certain indescribable feeling that overwhelms her between seeing her and talking to her, between knowing where she is and how she is. They are best friends. Just that. Friends of the best variety. Nothing more. Nothing less. And yet when Jane throws herself off of the bridge Maura can feel her heart physically trying to expel itself from her chest as a shrill sound rises from her throat. It is a feeling she has always expected with much apprehension and when it does engulf her she finds that she cannot breathe and her mind tells her it is panic attack, perhaps she should jump after Jane. But she doesn't, because then who would save Jane.

When they do find the detective Maura lurks, no Maura never lurks… sulks a few feet away finding that this feeling inside her chest is something so foreign that it changes her usually sunny exterior. The hand pressing down on her finally relents as she takes in every curve of the woman draped in an oversized blanket and the breath she takes is finally one filled with life and not the nauseating panic and terror that has seeped into her every crevice since the seconds, minutes, hours this woman has been away from her vigilance. She walks up and the broadening of Jane's smile is evident, but it falls away in bewilderment when Maura simply nods and smiles from half a foot away as if they were mere acquaintances and not frequent bedfellows.

A while passes between the time where Maura leaves Jane with her hovering brother and partner to go tend to the feelings that had been stowed away out of sight and when Jane comes to find her expecting an explanation for the earlier meeting she is only met with a slap that sears the imprint of Maura's palm across her right cheek. It is something she will stare at in the mirror later that day when she is home safe, but for now she stands there her incomprehension drawn all over her face.

Moments pass and the only sound echoing in the distance between them is the resounding slap. Maura's indignation holds her from forming any actual words and for Jane it is simple confusion. When it is evident no one will break the ice Jane takes a step.

"Maura are you alright?"

Maura pauses a moment and then what leaves her lips is the torrent of fury she has been waiting to unleash from the moment that scream was ripped from her throat. "I should be the one asking you that, shouldn't I? Are you alright, Jane? You look like you will be fine. No lasting damage. I'm glad. Who is going to jump off bridges if you aren't around? Who will save Boston with the singular might of their backs?"

"Maura…"

"Did you stop to think for one second? Just one, Jane, a mere second that there was someone standing behind you, someone would be devastated beyond repair by your actions. I know you had to save a man. I know that. I knew what I was signing up for with you. I know all of that. The facts are straightforward and yet I can't help but think, did you? Did you wonder for a split second what I would do?"

"I knew you would save me."

"That is not what I'm talking about."

"What are you talking about, Maur?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"I'm drawing a blank, Maur. I was doing my job. Like you said, you knew who I am. I couldn't let an innocent man die if there was something I could do about it."

"You can be so imperceptive sometimes"

Maura picks up her bag from the desk and walks out the door leaving Jane standing stunned in the middle of her office.

 **My updating habits are awful, so I apologize in advance for any waits. But it'll be worth it, I promise. I hope you enjoyed and stick around.**


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Jane feels odd entering her own home. She was hoping she would get to spend the night at Maura's, but after that encounter in her office going home seemed like the wiser choice. She heads over to the bathroom and pauses in front of the mirror. Her eyes linger on the red mark across her cheek as she slips out of her clothes and into pajamas. She is never going to be able to wear those again so she dumps them in a corner, left to be dealt with on another day when exhaustion does not threaten to claim her.

She slips into bed, but all that waits there is hours of tossing and turning. Imperceptive? What was she being imperceptive about? Maura has always known Jane is in the business of saving lives, putting everyone else before her. What has changed now? An uncertain feeling gnaws at her, but all Jane can do is wonder what pushed Maura to physically strike her? It is hours later that she can finally close her eyes and drift into oblivion, but even oblivion is plagued with the terrors that come with almost drowning.

When Maura leaves her office she cannot got home. She will not be able to face Jane if she happens to come there. Instead, Maura drives around. She takes new roads, discovering secrets to her city yet not really paying attention to much. She actually slapped Jane. The realization still hasn't quite sunk in as she makes a right turn. Not that it wasn't deserved, but still. In some ways Maura feels good, the weight she has been carrying around on her chest has finally lifted. Yet she can't help but feel a certain gnawing. Was the slap really necessary? Has she marked their relationship in a way that it can never recover from?

Maura deftly sweeps questions that present themselves into a box that she does not intend to open again anytime soon. It is a box that she has been filling ever since the day that she met Jane Rizzoli. The next turn she makes lands her in her own street so Maura braces herself and drives home.

Her watch reads 3:17 and Maura is glad that Jane's car is not in the driveway. But she expects that someone would have driven her given her current condition. She takes a deep breath and steps inside. In a sudden flurry of motion Angela rushes over and throws her arms around her.

"Where have you been? Have you seen the time? I have been worried sick!" She launches into a tirade. It is often that Maura has to deal with this, she is used to it by now. Angela stands in for the role of her mother, worried sick unless informed that Maura will either not be coming home or be late.

"Did you see Jane?"

"Yeah, she wanted to be alone, but she looked like she'll be fine. I thought she would come over here for a couple of nights at least."

"I slapped her." Is all Maura can really say.

Angela pauses. She raises her eyebrows and considers this and then laughs.

"I should have done that."

So Maura laughs back. Maybe everything will be alright. Maybe Jane won't jump off any bridges again.

 **So this is a short one, but more coming soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

 **First, sorry for taking ages, got caught up in stuff, but to make up for it this is long :)**

 **Second, I'm kindda assuming you know the episode where Jane's house burns down. The timeline won't follow canon-verse, but will still take most of the major plot points (because we're left with yet another cliff hanger that presents the perfect opportunity for a Rizzles end game).**

Jane comes back to work one week later which is much too soon for Maura's liking. But Maura has seen little of the detective since that incident that they refuse to speak about. Maura is alright with not talking about it, she has shut the lid on the box and isn't very eager to answer any questions that will probably come attached to processing her actions. And she knows Jane Rizzoli well enough to know that the detective won't broach the subject unless prompted to.

Jane, as Maura expected, ignores the subject altogether. She jumped off of a bridge while Maura had to watch from behind. She deserved a slap. It's all fine by her as long as they can go back to before. But this dodging and ducking game that they have been playing is not fine by her. When the phone goes off for her first day back she can only hope that Maura won't find an excuse to duck the case and hand it over to someone else.

Maura sips her coffee waiting for the day to start. The phone rings before the screen lights up. "Isles," she answers it.

The drive over to the crime scene is plagued with a certain sense of nagging. Both women eagerly anticipate returning to their normal routine of banter with a hidden layer of flirting that they never acknowledge.

Maura arrives first at the scene and is led to the body by Korsak. Her heart plummets at the sight of the girl in the cage. She leans in over the body to examine any obvious causes of death, when none are apparent she marks other clues, collects samples and observes the scene all the while anticipating Jane's arrival.

It when Maura is all done on her end, but the body is yet to be bagged and taken that Jane finally makes it. Her face instantly changes at the sight and the furry running through her veins is evident on her face and the heavy stomping of her feet as she paces back and forth.

The three of them exchange a few pleasantries and Korsak dismisses the tension in the air as a byproduct of the case at hand. While Jane is consumed in her frustration over the girl in a cage, Maura refuses to glance at her for more than a few seconds at a time.

"We need to find this son of a bitch so we can put him in a cage of his own!" Jane exclaims at Maura. And Maura nods, Jane can often express what Maura cannot put into words so easily.

Once everything at the crime scene is all done, they head on over to the station. Jane jumps into the passenger seat in Maura's car which makes the other woman raise her eyebrows and smile.

Jane shrugs. "Gave my keys to an officer, he'll bring it to the station"

When the smile and the eyebrows both stay in place Jane gestures with her hand, "What?

Maura opens her mouth to voice her incredulity, but Jane interrupts.

"I also warned him that he would be doing a lot of paperwork and many, many night shifts if there was so much as a scratch." The dark haired woman lets her mouth spread wide into a smile.

"Of course you did, Jane you shouldn't be using your position of authority to intimidate officers you know."

"Are you gonna argue about that, or are we gonna catch a killer?"

Maura shakes her head and turns on the ignition.

Jane hovers in the background as Maura places the scalpel against cold skin and lets it come apart.

"Are you going to stand there during the entire autopsy?" Maura continues her procedure.

"Until you give me something solid, I will"

"Wouldn't you be more helpful upstairs?"

Jane raises her eyebrows. "Is my presence making you uncomfortable Dr. Isles?"

Maura's heart skips a beat. She turns to look at Jane and rolls her eyes. "Please, I've gotten used to your incessant, and might I add unhelpful, hovering over the years"

"Are you saying you don't enjoy my company, Dr. Isles?" Jane's face mimics offense.

"Yes Detective, I spend at least half my day every day in your company because I am secretly a masochist. There, my big secret out in the open."

Maura turns over the body and examines a needle mark on the victim.

"As if you could have secrets from me," Jane laughs.

Maura bites her lip and nods. "Take a look at this," She moves to give Jane a better angle of the mark, "Puncture wound from a small gauge needle."

"So she was drugged."

"But there are no signs of rape."

"And the blood and hair on the cage?"

"Animal blood"

"So he was practicing, getting ready for a human."

"That seems like a likely scenario."

Jane heads up with that information and Maura continues her inspection of the victim. She does not allow her thoughts to linger on how Jane assumes Maura could have no secrets from her. Perhaps that is true for the most part, but not entirely.

It gives Jane no pleasure when they discover that the killer is in fact a young boy. However, she quickly realizes that the mother needs their protection and the boy in question is probably a sociopath who may grow up to be a serial killer just for the heck of it.

After his cocky run in with her in the parking lot Jane heads over to Maura's office.

"You're having a hard time with this one aren't you?"

"He's a kid"

"Who is exhibiting sociopathic tendencies, Jane, he is dangerous"

"I know"

The air is filled with a momentary silence that Maura moves to break.

"I am sorry Jane"

Jane opts to play dumb. "It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. Can't imagine what his mother feels like, that woman is terrified of her own kid"

Maura tilts her head to a side. She starts to speak, but then decides to go along with it. "She very likely feels torn between loving her child and fearing the person he actually is."

Maura comes over and settles down on the couch next to Jane.

"I am sorry too, Maur." Jane places her hand over Maura's.

Maura smiles and they sit there for a while until Jane's phone rings and she is called away to finally put this case to rest.

The plan moves ahead smoothly, the mother cries but complies understanding that while he may be her son he is also a danger to other people around him. And when they finally get to cuff him, read him his rights and put him in a cage Jane can finally take a deep breath. The time on her phone reads 9:37 so she heads over to Maura's.

She knows this route well enough to be able to take it blind folded, not that she would attempt that, she is an officer of the law after all. Jane can't wait to just settle down on Maura's couch with some good beer and talk about how the quality of the crap on TV is going down. She likes quite nights at Maura's when they can simply unwind without anyone else intruding. She also loves that the guest room at Maura's may as well be her room since it is usually occupied by her and is always filled with her stuff.

Jane's phone rings and she takes the car to a side and stops before answering it.

"Rizzoli"

"Detective, you need to come to your apartment. There has been a fire"

Jane nods even though the man at the other end can't see it and then hangs up. Her first instinct is to call Maura. They agree to meet up over there. Jane can feel her belly fill up with panic. Did she leave a plug on? What caused the fire? Was it that damn faulty socket that she still hasn't fixed? She hopes that it is a small fire and she hasn't lost too much of her stuff, but when she arrives she finds that everything is gone to her utter dismay. Maura drives up moments later along with her mother in the passenger seat. They are followed by Frankie and Korsak pulling in.

Maura places a hand on Jane's shoulder and gives an apologetic look. She can see that the detective's eyes are brimming with despair so she pulls her in for a hug.

"You'll stay with me," she whispers into Jane's rowdy hair.

Jane pulls back and looks at her. "You sure?"

"Well you are there most of the time already"

"That is true"

"And we can carpool"

"Save on gas"

"And you can spend more time with your mother"

"She's going to drive me nuts"

Maura chuckles. Jane smiles. And they let their fingers lace into each other.

 **This is the first time I've actually attempted to write anything case related, and I'm not too good at it. So, I'm sorry for any crappy writing on that front.**


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Faint muffled sounds reach Maura's ears and draw her out from quiet sleep. She looks around confused for a moment. A smile teases her lips when remembers she is not alone at home anymore. Maura picks up her phone to glance at the time through squinted eyes still half asleep. _3:00 a.m._ it reads. Maura sighs. She gets off her bed, straightens her yellow nightgown and the heads for the living room.

Jane lays sprawled over the couch with a beer clutched in her hand, still in her t-shirt and pants, her face blankly staring at the wall. Maura stands behind her for as long as her patience will allow and then steps around the couch to settle down besides her. She takes the empty beer bottle from Jane's hand and places it on the coaster on the coffee table.

"Can't sleep again?" Maura places one hand on Jane's thigh.

Jane turns her head to look at Maura and shrugs.

"I know it's been a while and it's probably stupid, but I can't get it out of my head"

Maura purses her lips and pauses a moment.

"It isn't stupid Jane. It's perfectly natural to experience such symptoms after such a traumatic experience. You jumped off a bridge."

"I jumped off a bridge" Jane nods turning back to stare at aimlessly at the pale wall in front of her, her hand rubbing circles over the one Maura put on her thigh.

"Come on," Maura gets off the couch taking Jane's hand in her own, softly nudging the other woman to follow.

She leads the way back to her own room and holds the door open for Jane to step in first. Maura steps around Jane letting the door close behind them and the points to the bed. "Sleep," she orders.

Jane obeys by settling down on what is usually her side of the bed knowing well enough Maura prefers the left side.

Maura settles down besides her and then flicks her finger in circles across the air. "Turn"

Jane raises her eyebrows, but complies.

Maura scoots closer and then brings one arm around Jane's waist. Her face lays close enough for her to get a full whiff of Jane's hair. Maura smiles.

"I'm right here. You're safe. Go to sleep"

Maura keeps her hold firm. She could get used to this.

"But Jane,"

"Mhmm," Jane mumbles a response.

"Don't you ever do something so stupid again."


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

 **I'm assuming you've already seen the mid season finale for season six, otherwise you might want to turn around (and come back later). Major spoilers for 612 ahead.**

It starts with the phone calls. Every few minutes her phone buzzes and Jane is just about ready to throw it against a wall. Maura laughs about it and Frankie joins in. It does little to temper Jane's annoyance, but when they subside for a while she almost forgets about them. And then they are pulled onto a case and dragged over to Los Angeles and Jane resorts to ignoring her phone for anyone that is not her mother, the LAPD, the BPD or Maura.

But then it escalates to the credit cards. Jane doesn't think much of it. Just a few stolen credit cards, identity theft happens. They'll get the bastard and put them in prison for it, Jane will the cards fixed and sure her credit won't be quite the same, but she'll recover. It isn't really as big a deal as Maura is making it. But Maura paces back and forth. She mumbles something incoherent at timed intervals and then returns to her pacing while Jane stands to a side and watches her with raised eyebrows.

"First those phone calls, now this, something isn't right. How are you this calm? How can you be okay with this? This isn't okay, Jane."

"One of us has to hold it together," Jane mumbles under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Maur will you just sit down for a second," Jane motions to the couch, "Frankie and Nina are already looking into it. I'm sure they'll find the person responsible soon."

"They had better"

Jane smiles. Having Maura Isles in her corner is like having an entire army at her back.

"You worry too much"

"Because you won't take this seriously enough,"

"I will, Maura, I promise"

Maura leans into Jane and they sit there for a while enjoying the view from the window of their hotel room that Maura so graciously upgraded much like the rest of their trip.

"I didn't really wanna come here, but this is good. The city isn't half bad,"

"But you still can't wait to get back"

"You know me too well"

Maura chuckles.

They wrap the case soon and return home to find that the fears that Jane has been turning over in her head have all come true. The fire, the phone calls, the credit cards, it's all linked and Jane is the target. Except identity theft isn't the crime. As the video plays through Jane feels a dark terror settle into her gut, it is a feeling she will soon grow very familiar with and perhaps one that will never again leave her alone.

Jane brings over the video to Maura's office leaving Frankie, Korsak and Nina to look into anything else related to it that may help. She walks with slow measured steps turning over the pen drive in her hand. She knows what Maura's reaction will be. But Jane is numb for the moment. These things happen on the other end of the table, she is the one investigating. Jane Rizzoli isn't the victim, she is the detective. Yet, this person had managed to put her on the other end.

Maura plays the video over and over again, looking for something new. A stray shadow. A new sound. Anything to tell her more than what she knows which is nothing. Maura Isles does not deal well with nothing. She is a woman of science, she searches, probes, tests, she finds answers. She does not stare blankly at a video with nothing to give her more insight into the person after her best friend.

Finally, Jane tires of watching the doctor play the video on a seemingly endless loop and shuts the lid of the laptop. Maura cannot understand how Jane is this calm, the frustration in her wild eyes makes her forget for a moment that Jane has always taken to folding into herself when a crisis hits. So Maura keeps probing her until Jane bursts out.

"Aren't you worried? What will they do next Jane?"

"Well I don't know, Maura, but whatever it is, it will be worse. That's what you're thinking isn't it? Because that's what I'm thinking when I lay awake at night surrounded by things that aren't mine because he burnt down everything I have ever owned! Is that what you want, Maura? Do you want me to yell because my world is falling apart?"

"I'm sorry, Jane," Maura gets up and comes over, "I did not mean to upset you"

"Yeah well I'm already upset."

"I can't imagine what Angela is going through."

"No!" Jane jumps eyes wide, "No! She is not going to find out about this."

"Jane I can't lie"

"Yes you can"

And before Maura can argue any further her phone goes off and the matter is settled. Jane raises her eyebrows and pulls out her phone. She shakes it to see if it is working and then runs upstairs where she is met with an even worse fate than having her identity stolen: desk duty. Korsak leaves her with instructions to weed out anyone she has put away that meets their profile and Jane begrudgingly heads over to her computer.

When it is evident that Jane will not stay away from the line of fire Maura goes behind her back and gets Korsak to appoint her a bodyguard that she will cover costs for as long as Jane never knows. And there is another thing that Jane has to deal with.

It is an uncommon feeling for Jane, all this uncertainty, so much of her life being out of her hands. Jane usually has both feet planted firmly in the ground knowing exactly what her next move is going to be. In that the person has succeeded, Jane thinks, because trapped in her apartment she feels like she is all but suffocating unable to help, unable to do her job, unable to do anything that matter except sit and wait. Wait for the next thing to hit her square in the face without warning.

But there is warning so Jane heads over to the precinct against all orders. She browses through files looking for clues other than the watch. When nothing turns up she goes to see Maura. She finds the other woman sitting in her chair going through her computer.

Maura closes the lid and turns to face Jane.

"How are you doing?"

"He's hell bent on taking everything away from me." Jane shrugs, "I just need this to be over"

"I'll always be here, Jane."

"I know," Jane smiles, "Thanks for the bodyguard"

Maura returns the smile. "How did you find out?"

"C'mon, Maur, the BPD would never spring for it."

"They might have"

Jane laughs.

"What would I do without you?"

"You'll never have to find out." Maura's smile is tinged with a wistful layer that Jane never sees through.

"I don't get it. It was just a watch from my mother. What-" Jane pauses her eyes growing wide with the realization.

Maura nods as Jane turns to dash out.

"I love you, be careful" Maura says after her, but Jane is already gone.

They make their way over to Maura's house and Jane calls Frankie on the way and tells him to meet them there. She crosses her fingers hoping it isn't too late.

A homicide, the voice on the other end of the phones says and Maura heads on over to the address it tells her. She assumes she will meet another detective there since Jane is occupied. She worries about Jane. It is difficult to love someone who is forever standing in the first line of fire. Maura tries to keep her safe in her own ways, with a body guard, with her incessant hovering, with so many things that Jane will never know about. She checks the empty squad car and then walks into the crime scene ducking under the yellow tape.

Jane takes a deep breath when she finds her mother. She throws her arms around the flustered woman and smiles.

Ma is safe. Everything is fine. And yet Jane cannot ignore the knots twisting into each other at the pit of her gut. Frankie finally makes it and Jane should be able to breathe, everything is okay for the moment. Only something feels awfully, terribly wrong. But Maura should be fine. She's at the office, right?

Jane pulls out her phone and dials the first number on speed dial. The bell keeps going, but no one picks. Maura always picks Jane's call, especially after that one incident where Jane sent over two squad cars, made Frost cut short his break and sped on over because Maura wouldn't pick up the phone. She was quickly embarrassed when she learnt that Maura has simply left her phone in the locker at the spa after which she owed Frost a lot of makeup coffees and burritos.

Her phone flashes a missed call, but before she can do anything about it an arm comes around her throat and a she screams but it comes out mostly muffled. She knows it is a man by his build and the strength of the arm around her. And she tries to think of all the ways she should be able to put into practice those maneuvers she learnt in self defense. But as her heels drag across the concrete floors and the phone vibrates too far out of her reach, Maura is utterly helpless.

She tries to call again and still no answer. The faces around her fold into concern, but all she can feel is ice cold terror. How could she have not thought of Maura? He wanted to take everything from her and no matter how much he took as long as she has Maura she is going to be fine. Maura is everything to her, why won't she pick the phone? Jane taps her feet against the floor and as the bell keeps ringing she feels like she can't breathe.


	6. Chapter 6

**10 MINUTES AFTER**

Jane still paces back and forth calling the same number at even intervals, which is every time the bell falls flat. She grumbles under her breath trying not to give away all measure of composure, but this is Maura. She can't rein in the pounding in her chest, or the fear gurgling just at the top of her throat. She should have known. It was her job to know. It is her job to protect. She knows the target was Maura; she doesn't have to wait to be told.

Her family sits around her. Waiting for something to happen, something to indicate what happens next. Angela doesn't say a word, but Jane can hear her loud and clear. "You need to do something, you need to do something now. How could you miss this?" It rings loud inside her head and she swallows the blame she is already tacking onto her chest. Korsak is trying to piece together what could have happened, but it's only been ten minutes so his fear is still held back by his logic, something Jane abandoned the moment the thought of Maura being in danger crossed her mind. He thinks that could easily be busy, her phone forgotten to a side. Frankie takes on the same approach, but a little more ready to jump at the first sign of trouble.

They all wait for Jane's cue. She dials a different number this time and the answer is almost instantaneous.

"Nina, I need a favor." Jane doesn't bother with pleasantries. Time is slipping away. Each moment is important. Later, when she is alone she will remember each second in painful detail. Another second when she didn't know where Maura was, another moment where she was failing. She will play it over in her head in an endless loop to see what she missed, how she missed it.

Nina nods, but Jane can't see. She continues anyway.

"Can you go down to see if Maura is there in her office?"

Step one. Make sure. She has to be there. She needs to be there. It will all be fine, Jane lies to herself. She probably just put it on silent and forgot about it. Maybe a body came in and she forgot the phone in her office. Maybe she forgot the phone in the morgue earlier. There are so many possibilities. The worst case doesn't have to be true. It can't be true.

"Sure, I'll call you when I have her."

 **15 MINUTES AFTER**

"She isn't there, Detective."

"I need you to run a trace on her phone." Jane says without hesitation, "Nina, I need you to do it now and fast."

"Is everything alright?"

"No," Nothing is alright.

Jane is already out of the house and in her car. The others take her lead and follow leaving behind a worrying Angela.

 **1 HOUR AFTER**

The place is setup like a crime scene, but there are no officers or detectives around. Only Maura's car, a lone squad car, some police tape blocking the entrance to where she finds Maura's phone on the ground and drag marks in running the opposite direction. Her heart jumps to her throat. She wants to scrub clean the image of a helpless, overpowered, afraid Maura that is forming in her head. She wants this to be a nightmare. But Jane is a detective and it doesn't take much for her to piece together an image of what happened here.

The call log on Maura's phone tells them she received a call from an unknown number just before she arrived at the scene of the crime. Only it wasn't officially a crime scene. Yet. The abductor made it that. She drove over expecting a crime scene. She walked in to find the body and he grabbed her.

Jane wonders if Maura was already taken by the time she realized. She wonders if Maura ever even saw her calls. She wonders if he put her in the trunk, how large that trunk was, if she could breathe in it, if he drugged her before he put her there, if he tied her up, if he gagged her, if she screamed, if she fought, if she struggled to get free, if she wondered why Jane was not there to save her, if she is still wondering how long it will take for Jane to come get her, why she isn't there already, if she is wondering how long it took for Jane to realize she was gone. Jane tries to close her mind to stop picturing the terror that Maura surely felt. But Jane cannot help but think if he will hurt her, or touch her, or... No Jane will not let herself think of that. Maura is alive. Jane will save her. She will hold her in her arms and never let go again. Maura will be fine. Jane will make sure of it.

 **6 HOURS AFTER**

Jane paces back and forth at the precinct. There are pictures of the crime scene stuck to the board along with notes, but they may as well be pointless. There was nothing left there. No clue to tell her where Maura is. Nothing to divert her rage towards. So she paces. The place is mostly empty with the exception of Nina who is trying to run down the only lead they have: the number that called Maura's phone, Frankie who looks over the photos again and again almost making Jane want to throw something at him, except she knows he is only trying to help, and a few stray people who caught the night shift.

Her throat feels parched and raw. She wants to break down, but she cannot afford to waste time with tears when she does not know what is happening to Maura. She runs every inch of the crime scene in her head. She pictures Maura's face the last time she saw her. She replays their conversation. Jane clenches and unclenches her left hand to get it to stop trembling, but the tremors and the exhaustion of the past few hours and days reaches its toll and she has to settle down on her chair. She is no good to Maura passed out.

 **26 HOURS AFTER**

When Nina tells them the phone that the call was made from was encrypted so sophisticatedly that she has never before seen anything like it Jane slams her fist onto her desk. Her eyes now linger on the faint lines that her anger has drawn onto the wood. She has been violently letting out her anger a lot in the past few hours. First the wall in the ladies room downstairs. Then the pencil that snapped in half. Then the copier that jammed.

She is sure that her T-shirt now stinks, as are Korsak and Frankie that urge her to go home. But Jane cannot leave. Leaving would mean they have nothing, and Jane can not accept that. The first 48 hours are the most important. If she does not find something now... no she will not allow her mind to wander off like that.

 **181 HOURS AFTER**

Jane sits on the counter in Maura's house with a cup of coffee waiting in front of her. Her shoulders hang low, the craters under her eyes dark, her throat scratchy. Constance settles down besides her with a cup clutched in her own hands and takes a sip. Jane cannot understand how the coffee manages to make it down her throat when Maura could be thirsty, starved. How many days could a person survive without food and water? How many days could Maura survive? How many days could Jane survive without Maura and this crushing guilt eating away at her insides? Everything that Jane is forced to swallow down by nagging loved ones usually comes back up almost instantly. Even the taste of coffee isn't palatable anymore.

Angela serves up breakfast, but Jane gets up and walks out of the front door. She spends most nights there now, at least the ones where she isn't out searching or in the office trying to find something, anything that can help.

How Maura must hate her for taking this long. 7 days. 181 hours. Her hope dwindling, she wonders if she will ever see that smile again. She wonders if Maura will ever forgive her for taking this long. 181 hours alone, afraid. 181 hours of not knowing if she will ever come back home. 181 hours of losing hope, losing faith in Jane. 181 hours and each tick of the clock adding another moment where Jane is failing Maura.

 **368 HOURS AFTER**

Jane hurtles the paperweight sitting on her desk across the room. It crashes against the wall drawing all eyes on her. When she glares at them everyone quickly turns their attention back to their work. Korsak comes over and drapes an arm over her shoulder, but she shrugs it away.

"I can't do this anymore, Vince." Jane cries.

"We will find her, Jane."

Will we? Jane doesn't say out loud, because saying it out loud makes it real and it cannot be real.

Nina works day and night on cracking the encryption, deciphering things that are beyond Jane's understanding. Jane does not do well with feeling helpless. She spends her time scouring the establishments around the area looking for suspects, footage, witnesses, anything that can give her more than this not knowing, anything that can make her feel less helpless. She pesters them to the point where one of them threatens to file a harassment suit against her at which point Korsak intervenes and stops her with the threat of removing her from the case.

Jane goes home to Maura's house. She lies down on the couch that has now become her bed, but like most of the nights in past weeks the night turns to day but sleep still evades her. And rightfully so. Perhaps Maura does not have a bed. Will she have slept in all these days? Will she have given up all hope yet?

 **1000 HOURS AFTER**

It has been 41 days. 41 days of going home without the woman she cannot live without.

Jane counts the hours. 1000.

Almost 1001.

People cannot survive 1000 hours without food or water, that much she knows. So Maura has to have eaten something at this point. She has to.

Jane takes a deep breath and places both hands on the table in Maura's office, now the office of the interim Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. She regrets nothing about the first time she met the man. She glared at him and threatened him with physical harm if anything in the office was changed. He took the warning to heart and rarely ever used to office, instead Jane had made her hideaway for times like these where she could not breathe and no matter how hard she tried the air would not reach her lungs.

She breaks down in a fit of something caught between laughter and crying when she remembers the first time one of those African decorative masks arrived and Maura hung it up on the wall. Jane had gone overboard with a whole act of being terrified to the point where Maura could not control her giggling and even offered to take it down. It was the funny looking one with the long nose, although they are all quite odd looking. Jane wonders if people ever used these for anything other than putting them up as frightening pieces of decorations.

She stays there on the floor crying for some time until her tears run dry, but her chest still feels like it is empty. Perhaps it will stay that way until she sets eyes on Maura again. Perhaps it will stay this way forever, reminding her of how she failed, is failing still, to keep her best friend safe.

Maura's idiosyncrasies are growing fainter inside her head. It has been 41 days since Maura has been in this office, yet Jane can still catch her scent lingering in the air, perhaps because no one besides her ventures there much. No one would want to face the wrath of a grieving, guilt-ridden Jane Rizzoli.

 **1608 HOURS AFTER**

Jane takes a deep breath. This could be it.

Over two months of sleepless nights have further thinned down Jane's already skeletal structure. Her eyes are bloodshot. Her hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail. She cannot remember the last time she closed her eyes and nightmares of Maura alone and afraid did not plague her. She has tried to close her eyes as little as possible.

The leader of rescue team with them breaks down the door, but it is Jane who is first to charge in with her determination set on her face. Korsak has her back and the rest follow behind. It is a normal looking house. There is nothing that stands out. They found their way to it when a new lead showed up on her desk miraculously. Korsak warned her that tips are often misleading but Jane could not let go of any chance, no matter how slight, to save Maura. Not after 67 days of continuously failing. 67 days of not being able to take any other case and not allowing anyone else to take this one away from her, because it has already taken over her life, it is her life.

"Clear," a voice calls out from the room at the end of the hall.

"Clear," another voice.

"Clear,"

Jane climbs the stairs and turns to the room on her left. She twists open the door knob to find a figure sitting on a rolling chair turn around to face her just as the door opens. He chuckles.

"Welcome, Detective Rizzoli."


	7. Chapter 7

Her heels drag across the ground. She can feel her heartbeat rise to a loud pounding in her chest. Her screams are muffled by the glove tight against her mouth. The phone blinks. _Jane. Please. Please, help._ Her thoughts flick to Jane and the hand, Jane and the figure, Jane and her broken heel. She is hauled off the ground and the thrown into a trunk. A yelp escapes her mouth as she comes into contact with something sharp. She searches for what it is with her hand as the trunk lid closes over her, engulfing her world in darkness. It was probably just the base of the trunk. The momentarily sharp pain quickly dulls to a throb nagging her, but her attention is dragged away from it when a woozy feeling settles over her. And then there is nothing.

 **LATER**

She wakes up on a bed with a thin metal frame and a bare mattress. Her clothes replaced with a navy blue jumpsuit, her feet bare. On the far end of the room is a urinal, but the room is so small she could reach it with her foot sitting on the bed if she stuck it out far enough. The walls, the floor and the ceiling are all painted a grayish shade of cream, the only spot that stand out is a dark trapdoor on the ceiling with a rope ladder tied to it. A basement, she deduces, but there is nothing else to tell her where she is, or how long it has been. But if her estimations are correct based on the administration of the chloroform and the amount of time it would take to wear off, it has been only a few hours. Perhaps the sun has risen. She will known soon enough, Jane is probably on her way already.

 **1 SLEEP AFTER**

She assess the structure of the walls. She lifts the mattress to find the bed isn't sound at all. It is why her back hurts. She is used to softer, more comfortable beds and mattresses. She can't wait to get back. Time is difficult to tell, but she relies on her body and mind. They will know when she is tired and that will tell her it is night.

She moves the bed and tries to reach for the trapdoor, but like all her attempts so far, she fails. It is too high. Only this time she notices something that has escaped her before, a camera. It is small and painted the color of the walls to camouflage into them, but it is there. Her heart jumps a beat. Every time she uses the urinal, there is someone watching. Every time her desperation leaks through, someone is watching. She takes a deep breath. Everything will be fine. Jane will have some solid leads by now. She is the best detective Maura has ever known. She will find her. There is nothing to worry about. Except the growling at the pit of her stomach. But people can survive quite a while without food. She will survive.

 **2 SLEEPS AFTER**

It takes a long time for the next sleep to come. Her method of measuring time through her sleeping pattern may be flawed, she finally admits to herself. But at least it establishes some measure of time, it is all the order that she needs. Except the terror that was calmly gathering itself in her gut is now churning, wild and alive. It roots itself inside her chest and floods every inch of her insides from there. She knows it is only her brain telling her body how to react to the situation. It isn't as bad as it feels.

She alternates between sitting on the bed, the floor and pacing back and forth in the small space that is her holding cell. Her stomach turns over. She needs water at least, if not food. Water is more important. Her throat is dry, partly from the thirst, but mostly from trying to hold in the tears her terror would otherwise have her unleash. She refuses to give the camera that satisfaction.

She places the mattress onto the floor and drags the bed trying to get it to stand on its end so it is higher, perhaps she can then reach the trapdoor. It takes her a few attempts, but the bed is standing. She smiles proudly at her handiwork then steps over the urinal and tries to gain footing high enough on the bed to reach the door. The frame clatters against the ground and one of its legs scrapes her left arm in the process. For a second nothing happens and then blood gushes down the torn skin. She flinches as she attempts to asses the degree of the damage. It is deep. The leg may have been rusted. The wound could be infected. All these variable and no definitive finally tear her down. Maura presses her arm onto her clothes trying to block the bleed. She bites down her lip to hold back the sob trying to escape her chest, but it does anyway.

"This will keep bleeding," she yells at the camera holding out her arm. The pain shooting through it makes her wince. "I will pass out from the blood loss and then I will die. You are enjoying this, you don't want me to die. I need stitches now!" It is a command, not a request. It makes her feel a little bit more like Dr. Maura Isles, a bit more in control.

 **3 SLEEPS AFTER**

Jane is still not here. Her faith in her best friend is showing cracks. But she has now met her kidnapper. She does not know him. Perhaps she did not work on that case with Jane. He said this is all because of her, because he is trying to get back at her. But he cannot convince Maura to blame Jane, this is all on him. She told him as much when he handed her the cleaning and stitching up supplies for the wound and she got to work.

Now that she looks down at the stitches she cannot help but smile at her handiwork. They aren't the best work she has done, but considering the angle she was working with and the state she is in, she would give it a decent grade.

Her stomach is more settled now that it is filled with the water and food her brought. The water in the plastic cup was cool, but the food was awful. She had to force it down her throat. She did not know when the next time would be. If her body didn't get nutrients she would suffer its side affects. She needed her mind to stay sharp. He stood there the entire time watching her intently. About six feet, clean shaved, brown hair, brown eyes. Everything about him seemed average, Maura thought. She tried to probe him with questions, but he gave her no answers.

Where is Jane?

 **~MORE SLEEPS AFTER**

Jane is still not here. It has at least been a few weeks. Maura is losing hope. Her body has grown weaker, frail. She can see the bones become more prominent, her hair lose it's shine. Maybe Jane won't come. She wonders what she is doing right now. Is she awake? Sleeping? Is it night? Day? She wonders if Jane ate today. She hasn't eaten in a while. Her stomach doesn't complain as much anymore. Maybe it understands, the food will come when it comes and it will taste like grease scraped off a burnt oven anyway. Maybe it doesn't want grease so it stays quite, not begging her to feed it like it did the first few days... or weeks.

The cut on her arm has mostly healed. The scar has dried, but is still prominent. Time doesn't really mean much anymore. She sleeps more, so the sleeps all merge together leaving her no way to tell when the day ends or begins. But it is better this way. At least when she closes her eyes Jane is there.

Jane has saved her. She came charging and took up Maura in her arms and

they went home and Maura lay in her own bed with Jane next to her, holding her close. And then one day they were having breakfast in her kitchen and Jane kissed her and Maura was surprised, but it felt so easy and natural that she leaned into it without any effort. Maura cannot wait to go back and see where Jane will take her for their first date. So she closes her eyes and lets the sleep take over and this nightmare wash away.

 **2 dates after**

Jane took her to a fancy jazz place for their first date and earned an instant nod of approval from Maura. She wore dress and everything. The second one was a bit more low-key, a pizza place. It wasn't the best place, but it was one of the best dates she has ever been on. The night ended her with Jane holding her in her arms on the couch in her living room. The place may as well be their house since Jane rarely ever left. Jane smiles at her and they fall asleep there on the couch, something her body is not going to appreciate in the morning.

And then she is returned to her nightmare. Only this time she is not alone on that bed. The trapdoor is open and the rope ladder is hanging loose. Before she can find _him_ he finds her.

"My wife is dead!" He yells.

Maura flinches. This is too loud for a dream. "I am sorry," she meets the eye of the apparition. Why is this figment intent on haunting all her dreams?

"She killed herself," His rage is alarming. Maura closes her eyes trying to wake up. She does not like these dreams. They are always so difficult to wake up from.

He steps into her space and she holds her breath. _Not closer_ , she thinks, but there are no words leaving her lips. He pushes her. Tugs at her clothes. Holds her hands down. And then he is on her. Her forehead creases waiting for it to come, but he stops. Instead a hand strikes her face. It is heavy and hard and the surprised yelp that leaves her mouth does not express the relief flooding her chest. Her gets off and she crumples into a heap.

 **Later**

She doesn't know how to escape these nightmares. Sometimes they stretch on for impossible times, other times they are shorter. They are hard to wake up from. But Jane is always waiting on the other end. Everything inside her head is confused. Maura should know better than this. Her mind is brilliant. It should be able to tell. It should know. But reality has merged into the dream and she cannot really tell which is which anymore. They both seem too real, yet they both seem concocted. The logic nagging her knows though, it knows where she needs to be, it knows where she needs to escape from and that makes things easier to decide.

She doesn't want to leave this hole anymore. A part of her will always be stuck here. She does not want to face the light with all these stains on her, she does not know if she can. It is better here. The outside will remember her as something else. No one will ever know what she became here. No one ever has to know this person. Jane will remember the woman on their first date, except they never had one, or did they, she will remember her as something other than this.

She run a finger over the bruise over the left side of her face. She knows what she has to do now. She knows where to find Jane. Everything will be okay.

 **Later**

She smiles when she notices the end of the rope hanging loose. He was clumsy in his rage. This works for her. The rope seems sturdy enough. She pulls apart the ladder and fashions it into a noose. The piece of Dr. Isles inside her thrives on the thrill of doing something that makes sense, that she can perform step by step with only one conclusive end. She then moves to setup everything wondering how long it will take for him to look at the camera and notice a body hanging in the middle of the room.

A gasp escapes her throat as the rope closes around it. Soon. It will be over so very soon. Her eyes close.

 **Later**

And her eyes open. She looks around confused. No. She was with Jane. She saw her. Jane told her everything would be fine. She told her she would keep her safe. But her hands and feet are bound and she is still inside that room again. She stumbles off the bed, tears rolling down her face.

"No please," She looks into the camera, "Please. Please let me go, I need to see Jane. Let me wake up."

And she does. It takes a while, but she sees Jane again. And she is away from the nightmare.

* * *

 _ **Thoughts?**_


	8. Chapter 8

Jane looks from his polished black shoes, to his tailored suit, to the fedora atop his head and finally settles onto his face. His features are handsome; pale skin, red eyes, a hooked nose, thin lips, but the combination is handsome. She matches him to the people she has put away. She goes over the grieving families in her head. Nothing clicks.

"It's over. You have nowhere to go." She holds the gun steady between both hands. She will not hesitate to put him down.

He only smiles, "It is, detective. Don't you see? I've won."

Jane frowns. She has the gun. He is the one who should be worried and yet the panic in her chest refuses to settle down.

"That woman you will find in my basement is not your beloved Dr. Isles. No, no... she is, and she isn't, you will see the face that once belonged to her and you will search for Dr. Isles, hoping she is just beneath there surface. But you will never again see Maura Isles. "

"Why her?" Jane's voice is barely a croak. She doesn't like how it comes out desperate, but she needs to know.

"I wanted to hit you where it hurt most, detective. And now the woman you love most in this world has vacated the premises, I can't wait for the torture to ensue." He chuckles.

Jane gulps. He could have taken anyone. There were so many people close to her, so many that would hurt just as much- no none of them would quite hurt this much except her mother.

"Your record is clean, I've never had you on any case."

"Selena Crane." He states and Jane nods, understanding dawning on her.

"Husband, but she carried her maiden name and had no other family making you impossible to track down."

"Very good, detective. Maybe if you would have put those fine skills to use earlier Dr. Isles would not have been here this long, perhaps if you did your job correctly the first time around my wife would be here. You see, I did get my wife back once you put her prison, but she was never again the woman you put behind bars. You took my greatest love, and now I have taken yours." His lips curve up into a thin line followed by a short chuckle that is more cold than it is gleeful.

"She was guilty." She states.

"She was innocent!" His eyes are wild and she gets a glimpse into the madness behind them. Jane stiffens the grip on her weapon and takes a step closer. He clears his throat to regain composure. "I hope you learn the hopelessness I know so well trying to save a woman who does not exist anymore." Before Jane can react he has already transferred the contents of his hand to his mouth.

"Goodbye, detective."

He swallows what Jane assumes is cyanide as he crumples into a heap. Jane rushes over, knowing well enough that there is nothing she can do. Her brow creases with more annoyance than anger. She wanted him to suffer. She wanted to make him pay for what he did.

"I've got him," Jane pushes the button on her radio.

"I've got Maura," Korsak's voice comes in.

And she should feel relief. She should finally be able to breathe because Maura is safe now. Maura is alive. But neither the knots in her gut, nor the pressure in her chest make any move to give away and Jane can only feel red hot guilt at taking so long to find her, at allowing her to suffer for so long.

* * *

 **Sorry for the wait and the short chapter, things have been crazy. But I have a lot of stuff written down in bits and chunks so more soon.**


	9. Chapter 9

Jane sits at the edge of her seat. She can see her mother's figure cross the door frame every few seconds, pacing back and forth in the mostly empty hospital hallway. Jane is not surprised at the sheer number of people who call in to ask about the woman sleeping on the bed, she however is surprised that Paddy makes the list. Not in person, of course. But he does send over an associate, Marcus, to check up. Just as Marcus makes his exit Jane's phone rings with one frantic Hope Martin on the other end.

It would be touching if the pressure building inside her chest had subsided now that Maura is in sight, but everything inside her is in a slow-motion frenzy that makes the grip she has on the seat handle tighten to the point where her knuckles are white.

She nods as she answers Hope's questions. She replies slowly. _Yes, Maura is safe. No, we won't know the extent until they run some tests. Yes, she is malnourished. No, no signs of rape. Yes, I will keep you updated. No, she is not awake. No, I don't know when she will be. No, her mother is not here yet. No, she is never going to be alone again._

Angela's head stops at the door followed by the rest of her a moment later.

"Was that Constance?"

"No, she is probably on a plane, Ma."

"Well, she had better be. If it were my child- what am I saying, Maura is my child. Look at her," And Jane does.

She looks at the woman wrapped up in so many bandages one would think they are the only things holding her together. Her gaze lingers on the one wrapped around her throat. She tells no one who has not seen Maura in person about that. Her heart still clenches exactly the way it did when she saw her in the basement; Korsak unfolding the ropes binding her hands and feet, her hair wild and dull, her eyes closed in a drug induced sleep. It wasn't until her eyes fell on rope burns with the telltale signs of hanging that Jane froze in her tracks. It wasn't Maura she tells herself. Maura would never attempt to take her own life, but she knows little of what happened in that basement and the man responsible is already in the ground with no more answers for her.

She straightens the flimsy blanket covering Maura, she will have to get Angela to bring in something from home because she does not plan on leaving until Maura does.

"Ma," Jane's voice breaks, "This is my fault."

Angela rushes over to her daughter's side in the blink of an eye. "Don't you ever, for a second carry the blame that rightfully rests on that psychopath! You listen to me Janie, this is all on him, it is not your fault." She places a hand on her shoulder lending comfort, but Jane says nothing.

It is her fault. He came after her through Maura. Maura is only collateral and look at all the damage.

"When will she wake up?" Angela asks after a moment that seems to stretch on forever.

Jane shrugs and stands up. "I'm going for a walk, you stay here?"

Angela nods and settles down. "Go home for a while, Jane. Freshen up. You haven't left her side since you brought her here and god knows the last time you went to sleep. Take a few hours, get some breakfast and I'll be here."

Jane shakes her head. "Thanks, ma. But I can't leave."

She walks away, making her way to the cafeteria. Coffee. She needs some coffee, no matter how despicable it tastes. She taps her shoes against the marble floors waiting for the lift doors to open. Korsak waves. He is already out the door before it has even opened followed by Frankie, Suzie and other people from the morgue that she can't be bothered to exchange pleasantries with.

"They wanted to check on her," Korsak nods at the group he came with and points in the direction of the room. "How is she doing?"

"They cleaned her up. Bandaged and all, but mostly the same."

"Has she woken up?"

Jane shakes her head.

"Where are you headed off to?"

"Coffee."

"You could take a break? I'll stay if you want."

"Thanks for the offer. I'm good where I am."

He shrugs. "Suit yourself."

Jane presses the button to call back the lift.

"You want any?"

He shakes his head.

"Frankie?"

"I'm good. Besides I tried it when we got here, tasted like feet, or dirt, or dirty feet. Maybe you'll have better luck now that it's nearly breakfast service."

* * *

Maura opens her eyes to find one hand entrapped in Angela's grip and the other tied down with an IV. The shadow of two hunched figures lurks at the back. It takes a moment for her vision to adjust, but the lights are still too much. She winces as the rays coming in through the window fall into her eyes. Too much. She pulls the blanket higher and closes shut her eyes. There is no Jane in this room. This is only a dream.

Angela stands up startled with a wide smile drawn on her face. She tugs at the blanket to face the battered woman underneath.

"You're awake,"

Maura nods slowly, her eyes narrow.

Angela turns behind her to spot the source of her discomfort and motions for Frankie to close the thick curtains.

"How- no wait that is a silly question. I'll let the nurses know you're awake and the doctors can come check up on you. I'm so glad you're awake."

Maura stares at her blankly.

"You were kidnapped, Maura." Angela's forehead creases in her bewilderment.

Maura makes no move to respond.

"But you're safe now. We're all here."

Maura's eyes search the room again. Three people. Frankie. Korsak. Angela. Not everyone is here.

"Frankie," She turns to face her son, "Go get a nurse, will you?"

Frankie dashes out, leaving Maura under the concerned stares of the remaining people in the room.

"Jane just went to get coffee, she should be here any moment," Korsak steps closer to the bed but when Maura seems to sink further away he stops in his tracks.

"Oh sweetie," Angela brushes a stray strand of hair from Maura's face. She doesn't know what to say anymore. _I am sorry you were kidnapped? I am sorry he did these things to you?_ None of those things feel like the right thing to say so she places a comforting hand over Maura's own and settles back into the chair waiting for the nurse to arrive.

It is Jane who comes first. She stops at the door, her eyes wide. Surely every person in this hospital can hear the pounding in her chest? It certainly drums loud enough in her ears to drown out any other sound.

"Maura," The name leaves her lips like a prayer finally answered.

Maura stares at Jane. This cannot be Jane. This is not real. She closes her eyes and turns away. This is not real. Jane was with her, they were enjoying a nice bottle of wine in her living room. This is not real. Her wrists itch and her throat feels raw and scratchy. This is not real. She can still feel the ghost of that basement looming over her. But this is not real. Nothing is real.

"Maura," Jane repeats coming closer. She utters the word as if it is a delicate crystal that could shatter at any moment. And perhaps it will.

Angela nods at Jane and motions for Korsak to follow her out the door, but Jane's eyes are trained only on the form lying on the bed.

She comes to a stop a few inches from the bed.

"I'm sorry." Jane's voice breaks into a strangled sob.

Maura opens her eyes to face her.

"I'm sorry I took so long,"

Maura traces the form of this woman standing before her with her eyes. Her cheeks are hollow. Her eyes are red. She is skinnier, if that could even be possible. There is something off about her. Something unlike her Jane. Her eyes seem so lost one would think she was the one who spent a yet to be identified amount of time in some man's basement as a sick form of revenge.

"I'm here now."

"No you aren't." Maura states. Her voice is hoarse and forces Jane to take a step back at the bluntness, the conviction it carries.

"I am, Maura. I am right here."

"No." Maura's breath comes out ragged.

Jane stares at Maura. The woman lying before her is terrified and curling up into a shell that she has no access to.

"No, Maura." Jane's forehead creases in confusion. "This is real, we brought you here last night. You're safe now."

Maura looks away. She turns over, her legs rubbing against the ragged hospital sheets and winces as a spark of pain shoots down the wound above her ankles. She closes her eyes. She needs to be away from this endless nightmare.

Jane sighs. She knows this is going to be difficult. She just thought the hardest parts were over. She has Maura and yet, this woman does not feel like Maura. Her Maura seems to be stuck somewhere far, a place that is not here.

Jane walks out of the room and into a nurse. The tray in her hand clatters to the ground with water splashing over the marble floor and two different colored pills rolling away.

"I'm sorry," Jane crouches down.

She hands the items to the nurse who offers her a small smile.

"She needs time, detective. The isolation has damaged her."

Jane does not like the word damaged and she has decided she does not like anyone who associates the word damaged with Maura either, so so gives a curt nod and walks away.

The nurse tosses the pills in the bin and smiles brightly at the woman on the bed turning to face her.

"How are you doing this morning, Dr. Isles. I'm Tracy. You can reach for the button anytime you need me. The doctors will be in to see you shortly." Maura does not reply, she keep staring so Tracy continues. "I seem to have made a bit of a mess, so I'll get your medication, don't worry it's just vitamins and the sort to help you get back in that beautiful shape. You'll be right as rain in no time."

"That's ridiculous," Maura whispers, Tracy's eyebrows fold into a question. Maura shakes her head. "This bruise on my face will take at least two weeks to heal, the marks on my wrist and ankles will heal faster, but it will in no way be no time. My body will take much longer." She does not mention the burns around her throat, or the confusion swarming her mind, or the panic set in her chest.

"All that would be true is this were real." She finishes silently.

But it feels real, Maura admits. The pain is real. The people seem real. This woman would have known all these things has she been a figment of her imagination. Yet, that other place in her mind, the other Jane, they seem real too. Maura gulps, a tear slips down her cheek and onto the pillow.

* * *

 **Everything is okay now. Yep, totally okay. It's all fine.**


	10. Chapter 10

Maura opens her eyes to find Jane sleeping on the chair by the bed, her head lolling at an angle that will surely leave her neck sore for the rest of the day. She runs her fingers over the bandages around her neck. If it would have worked neither this Jane, nor that other one would never have had to know. She could have slipped away easily. Instead the bruise on her face throbs, her healing wrists and ankles itch and she feels tired. Constantly tired. No amount of sleep helps. No amount of medication helps. Perhaps she is tired of this world. Perhaps she needs to move on.

She pulls off the blanket covering her and moves to stand on her feet. The weakness has a greater affect than she realized it would and she has to grab the edge of the end table to steady herself. The metallic surface is cool against her palm. She wraps the other hand around the pole of the machine attached to the IV and rolls it towards the window. She has not seen the world for too long.

The light that streams as she parts the curtains in makes her wince, but she does not move away. She observes the buildings of the other wings of the hospital through squinted eyes. She stands there for a while. Her grip on time has loosened so she does not know how long it has been when Jane's hand takes hold of her wrist, right above the bandages and pulls her back.

"The doctor said you should adjust slowly, Maura."

Maura turns around and a sob that surprises both her and the other woman escapes her chest. She lets go of the pole and Jane holds her up to keep her from stumbling to the floor. Tears run down her cheeks and Jane looks at her alarmed, unsure of what to do, or if she caused this.

"It's okay, Maura. You can look out the window if you want." Jane feels like she is talking to a child, not patronizing, but trying to convince her that Santa Claus is real when she has already caught her father trying on the white beard.

"I lost two months, Jane. Two months. Which is why this can't be real. Do you understand what I am saying?" Jane nods and helps her to the bed. She does understand. She felt every moment of those two months place a heavier weight on her chest, a new knot in her stomach. "I was happy. I was with you, you know. You were there. You made everything okay. But you're here. So you can't be there. But you are. And I don't know which is which. I can't tell, Jane. This seems like the logical explanation. It does. But that would make sense too, because you would not have let me stay in that place for two months. You would have come for me earlier. And you did. And I was okay. But you are here and the nightmare never stopped and I can't do this, Jane. I can't do this anymore."

Maura's hand makes it way to her throat unconsciously and Jane holds back the moisture forming in her eyes. She helps Maura pull her legs onto the bed. She covers her in the blanket. She makes sure the IV is working fine. But she does not meet the other woman's eye. She should have come for her earlier. She should have saved her. So it's all fine by her if this isn't real. She would be perfectly alright if that other world inside Maura's head was real, because it made her feel safer and anything that makes Maura feel safe, Jane will always try to give her. But she knows this is real so all she can do is look away as the guilt eats away at her insides leaving everything raw and achy.

She could apologize again. She could say she is sorry, she will never stop being sorry. But the apology would do little ease the frustrated, confusion drawn over Maura's face. She could assure Maura that this is in fact real, but she cannot bring herself to break Maura's fantasy.

"Jane?" Jane looks up at Maura. Her skin is less pale, but still nothing life before. Her cheeks are still hollow. Her eyes are afraid, constantly questioning everything before them. "Are you real?" The hope in her voice breaks Jane's heart.

"Yes, Maura. I am real. I am here."

"Don't you have to work?" Jane almost laughs, but the way she says it holds her back.

"Not until you're home."

"There is nothing you can do for me here, Jane."

Jane nods. No there is nothing she can do for Maura. The fact does nothing beyond making her feel helpless. "I'm still going to be here."

"When can I go home?"

"Soon, Maur. Very soon. I promise."


	11. Chapter 11

**I am so so so sorry for the insanely late update. But I'm back and I'll go back to my usual updating schedule now.**

It takes another three days and a police statement conducted by Detective Larson, the lead on her case, but Maura is finally allowed to go home. She walks in to breathe in the smell of freshly baked brownies, the sizzling of something frying in the pan and a freshly squeezed glass of orange juice waiting for her at the counter with a wide smiling Angela behind it.

"Your mother was here a while ago, but she had to leave, stuff came up." Angela comes around the counter and ushers Maura into a chair.

Maura nods slowly. "Life goes on."

 _No, mine didn't,_ Jane is almost tempted to say, but she pulls back the words and locks them back into her chest. This is about Maura.

"Drink up," Angela thrusts the glass into her hand, "Are you looking forward to seeing her?"

Maura shrugs. _It still doesn't feel real_. She lets the words remain thoughts.

Maura is taken by surprise by the bear hug that Angela pulls her into, spilling the juice over her top. "I'll leave you two girls to it." Angela edges away towards the door, vacating the thick air between the pair left behind.

"I'm sorry, Maura. I am so sorry." Jane sighs. No matter how many times she apologizes it still feels like nothing will ever make up for what she let Maura suffer.

Maura's eyes dart back to her as fast as her hand takes hold of Jane's. "I don't blame you." She stares at her until the weight of everything unsaid hanging between them makes her turn away.

The inside of Jane's cheek is raw from everything she is holding back.

"How can you not? If you had not met me none of this would have ever happened to you."

Maura smiles in a thin sad line. "I would not change meeting you for anything in this world, Jane."

"Me neither."

"I'm tired," Maura stands up, "I think I'm going to go to bed now." Jane nods and makes her way towards the couch, ready to settle in for the night.

Maura pauses a moment, she doesn't want to do this, but she needs to. "Actually Jane, I was hoping you would go home."

Jane pulls her lips into a smile while her heart squeezes inside her chest with no air making its way in until Maura gives a curt nod and makes her way to her room.

* * *

"Please don't start psychoanalyzing this one, Maur." Jane holds the door open for Maura to entre the therapist's office.

"It isn't my fault that they are incompetent."

"Maura."

Maura shakes her head. "I will be on my best behavior."

"Good. I have to head over to the station. Your mother will pick you up."

Maura nods.

"Be safe."

She walks into the office to find herself face to face with a tall red headed woman smiling at her.

"Good Morning, Maura. Would you like to take a seat?"

Maura settles down onto a plush yellow couch unimpressed by the woman's casual demeanor. The first six at least got off their chairs and let her in.

"How are you feeling today?"

If Maura had not promised Jane to be on her best she would have smiled and walked out. The one thing she was tired of being asked was how she was feeling. She didn't know what the answer for supposed to be and every time the question came up it brought out a rage she didn't know she possessed.

"Fine"

Dr. Janz nodded.

"This is a safe space, Maura, you can talk about anything."

"All my symptoms point to PTSD, which is understandable. I also have severe delusions that seem more real than my reality. My physical condition has improved considerably over the past ten days, and you are supposed to asses my mental state and help me."

Janz scribbles down words onto her notebook and brings her attention back to Maura.

"Maura, just inside this office can I be the doctor and you the patient?"

"We are both qualified doctors, Dr. Janz."

"We are. But only one of us is suffering psychological trauma."

"Have you ever been through something that make you question your reality?"

"It is common for kidnapped victims to build up false realities inside their head. It is a coping mechanism. But you are safe now, Maura. Or do you still feel unsafe?"

Maura smiles. "My family and friends never leave me alone anymore. They treat me as if I am a child."

"Does that frustrate you?"

"I just want to go back to my old life, but it feels so out of reach like it was never real."

Maura finds herself opening up to this woman more than she has to anyone since she has returned. Dr. Janz does not probe or push, she lets Maura find the words in her own time and Maura decides that perhaps she has finally found the right person to help her.

* * *

Jane has never before understood how truly terrible police statements can be. She has always respected the victims, appreciated their time and effort. But she has never before bitten raw the inside of her cheek. She knows that victims have to relive their nightmares, every scar cataloged for the reference of strangers they do not know. Except Maura knows them and in some ways that makes it worse. She points to the scar on her left arm narrating the story of how she got it attempting to reach the rope ladder. Jane winces as she gives an in depth account of having to sow up her skin without any pain killers. She turns away as Maura tells them about going hungry for days, or weeks.

She has already done this twice times before over the course of the past four weeks. Maura takes them slowly through what was an agonizing two months for Jane, but a seemingly endless and unidentifiable time for herself. Her head tilts in the direction of Jane before she recounts stringing the rope into a noose to finally make it end. Detective Larson scribbles a note on his book. Jane is tempted to bash her fist against the double sided window, but instead walks out of the room leaving Maura alone with the other detective.

"Thank you for letting us do this again, Dr. Isles. I'm just going to ask you one last time for the record: You never met him before the night he kidnapped you?"

Maura stares at the image of herself reflecting back in the two way mirror. She wonders who is standing on the other side listening in, watching her. She wonders if Jane went there. She swallows the lump in her throat and shakes her head. "No."

"One last thing," He places his hands on the table causing Maura to edge back in her seat. "I may have been the lead on your case, but homicide also put in all their resources. You have good friends here. I hope that they can help you. We're very glad to have you in one piece. Thank you for coming in, Maura."

Maura nods even though it doesn't really feel like one piece with her mind rocketing back and forth. She stands up and walks out the door Detective Larson is holding open for her. Jane stands leaning against the wall, waiting.

"I'm sorry." She repeats. It is something she has said more times than either one of them can count anymore.

Maura slips her hand into Jane's. "Stop," Her voice comes out hoarse.

Jane turns to face her, her mind furiously trying to discern what she finds in the pair of eyes staring at her.

"You can stop apologizing, Jane. I was the one kidnapped, yet you look just as bad as I do, okay maybe a touch better, but terrible all the same."

"You tried to kill yourself." It takes everything she has to hold in the sob trying to rip itself from her chest. She hasn't broached the subject in all this time and Maura has never brought it up either.

"It felt like the only way to make it stop at the time. You can't hold yourself responsible for it forever, Jane. Dr. Janz says if I am to accept this reality I need to let go of the world I created inside my head. I can't do that if we're not okay. I need you to stop apologizing."

"Dr. Janz seems to be working out better than the other six shrinks."

"She is so far."

Jane chuckles. "You seem to be doing much better. I'd say she's doing her job well."

"I'm coming back to work Monday."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Jane holds up a hand, "No wait. Dr. Janz says it's best to fall back into your old routine."

Maura smiles and it lights up Jane's eyes. "Yes, she does in fact."


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

Jane hated the 67 days she walked into the BPD offices without Maura a few floors down. She hated unconsciously walking towards Maura's office and finding only ghosts lingering about. She hated going down to get reports from someone who wasn't this woman before her, fastening the clasp on her necklace. She hated it.

And yet the ocean turning over in her gut says something different. Of course she missed Maura at work, with all her heart and soul. But she can't help but wonder how things could ever be the same, how she can breathe knowing that any perp she angers could go after this innocent woman who did nothing to deserve that cell of a basement.

Maura fumbles with the clasp for well over two minutes when Jane finally steps forward.

"Let me." She fastens it in a heartbeat and Maura turns to face her standing only a breath away, making her pulse throb harder and faster. "You're sure?"

Maura opens her mouth to let out assurances but Jane cuts her off with her fears.

"I mean no one expects you to get back so soon. Your place is still waiting for you whenever you decide to come back. It's okay if you need more time, Maura."

Maura raises her eyebrows. "It seems like you're the one who needs the time, Jane. Are you cheating on me with the interim chief?"

The red that flushes to Jane's cheeks brings a lump to her throat and swallows her words whole. She stutters and turns to hide the blush when Maura erupts into laugher. It is a sound that has become so rare as of late, and it swiftly warms her insides.

"Come on. I don't want to be late my first day back." Maura heads to the kitchen where Angela has served up breakfast, a habit she has taken up since Maura has returned.

"You didn't have to, Angela."

"Nonsense! I love taking care of my kids and blood or no blood you're my kid, Maura."

"That is very kind of you. Thank you," Maura smiles.

It doesn't take them long and Angela leaves them to it. Jane chugs her coffee, only the first of many she will be drinking during the day and Maura sips her juice and eats her omelet with grace that Jane could never muster. She watches Maura bite on the piece of toast. They way her lips curve when she sips the juice. They way her throat swells as she swallows. And then she quickly tears away the gaze that is lingering on red lips drawing a raised eyebrow from the other woman.

"I'm feeling much better, Jane. You have to stop worrying so much."

"I just don't want- I couldn't live with myself if- I just I-"

Maura offers her reprieve in the form of a small smile. "I know, Jane. Just a little less hovering?"

Jane nods slowly. "I guess I could give it a try."

They stay mostly silent on the ride to work. Jane looks over at Maura every now and then, but she just stares out the rolled down window with the breeze gently ruffling her hair.

Jane holds down the lift button for Maura to enter. Maura stares at the ground between them while Jane's eyebrows slowly fold into concern.

"Everything alright, Maur?"

It takes a moment for her to register the sound. She shakes her head and puts on a smile that Jane sees right through. "Of course it is."

Jane steps out of the lift blocking her way and tugs at her hand leading her to the ladies room. With the door securely closed behind them Jane looks over at the fear etched onto Maura's otherwise flawless features and pulls both hands into her own.

"We can go home now if you want."

In the small distance between them Jane can smell Maura's hair. The scent is even stronger than her shampoo. In the week that Jane has returned to Maura's house she has grown familiar to the scent, made her it comfort zone even. It is different than the lavender that Maura used before. She can't quite pin down what 'Summer Breeze' is meant to be, but whatever it is, it smells divine.

"No. I have to do this. I need to go back to normal."

"I know you do, but you don't have to do it straight away. You can take your time. No one in this building is going to hold it against you."

Maura doesn't say anything for a while. She stares at the reflection in the mirror. The bruise around her throat has faded to a memory. The scar on her arm is just that; a scar. Her body is slowly regaining its form. She is returning and yet she feels stuck. "He would win." The voice is a faint whisper, so much that if Jane weren't staring intently she would have missed it.

"He's dead, Maura."

"But he isn't." Jane raises her eyebrows in confusion. "If he managed to take away all this from me he gets to live, he gets to live in my fear, Jane. He gets to live in his victory. I have to do this. I need to do this. So he can't win."

Jane pauses and moment and then nods.

"Okay. You do this. I have your back, anything you need."

"I need to see if anyone has messed up my office."

Jane laughs. "Oh I made sure they wouldn't dare."

 **I'm so sorry I'm not consistent with the updates, but I'll try and make it up to you by getting out another one soon.**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

The bell on the phone ones once, twice and Jane doesn't realize she is holding her breath. She doesn't wait for the line to go dead. Her hands are already curling around the car keys in her pocket and her feet are already over the threshold of Maura's house. She backs out into the lane and pauses. She doesn't know where she is supposed to look and the kind of helplessness she has grown all too familiar with floods the inside of her rib cage. She punches the wheel and swears.

She pulls out her phone again. Still no answer. She dials a different number that picks up on the third bell. "Nina, I know it's your day off, but can you run a trace for me?"

"Detective Rizzoli, of course."

Jane can hear the giggling of another woman on Nina's end of the line. "Sorry for interrupting," but as much as she feels bad for it she would do it again.

"No worries. Just my girlfriend."

Jane's face folds into surprise.

"Okay I'm at my laptop."

"I need a trace on Maura's phone."

"Everything alright?" The change in Nina's tone is stark. Jane can almost imagine her sit straighter. She knows this is serious because she has received this same phone call once before.

"I don't know."

"Her cell places her at her office."

Jane is already turning towards the BPD offices. "Thank you, Nina. Sorry about cutting into your day."

"Glad to be of help. Let me know when you find her."

"Will do."

Jane arrives at Maura's office out of breath to find her just picking up a burgundy purse that rounds off her ensemble perfectly off the desk.

"Jane!" She looks up in surprise. "I thought you closed the case and headed home early?"

Jane lets out a breath at the sight of Maura in a figure hugging skirt and blouse. She could look for ages without tearing her eyes away.

"Why didn't you pick up your phone?"

Maura checks her purse for her phone, her forehead creased in a frown. "I must have missed it. I was in a meeting with the Mayor."

"I don't care if you were in a meeting with the fucking President, Maura you need to pick your damn phone."

Maura flinches at the tone and only then Jane realizes that perhaps her tone is a pitch higher than she intended it to be.

"Sorry." Her eyes fall to the ground, "I was just worried."

Maura studies the lines on Jane's face. She has been doing a lot of worrying as of late, but the look etched there right now isn't just worry or concern, it is sheer terror. And Maura feels instantly ashamed for not knowing what a simple missed phone call would do to her.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I didn't think."

"I'm just glad you're okay."

"Jane?"

She raises her eyebrows in response.

"I know you are concerned for my safety, but I would appreciate it if you didn't take it out on me."

Jane's cheeks flood with a mixture of embarrassment and shame. "I got carried away. Sorry."

"I love you, Jane."

Jane's feet freeze mid step and her heart follows suit.

"For always being there, I mean. For looking out for me."

Jane nods slowly and swallows the lump in her throat.

"Anything for you, Maur" and she means it.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

"I really don't want to go to this thing, Maura."

"Do you want to leave me stranded and alone?"

Jane narrows her eyes. "Low blow."

Maura shrugs. "Did it work?"

"What am I going to wear?"

"I know just the thing!" Maura's tone is light and bubbly. Excited. And Jane is glad she said yes. She would go to a thousand parties if they made Maura this happy.

"Not the black-"

"Yes. You look beautiful in it, Jane. It really highlights certain aspects of your physique."

"Is that why you like it?" Jane teases and Maura turns away to hide the flush on her cheeks.

"Don't be silly, Jane. Who knows a handsome man might ask you to dance."

"If that's your story." Jane takes the dress from Maura's hand and holds it against herself observing the reflection in the mirror.

"It is a good dress."

"Good. Put it on."

Maura prattles on about a cute waiter she met at the last BPD annual get together that Jane had conveniently fallen sick the day of and Jane drives slower than is necessary to prolong this moment where Maura is smiling so hard the sun would shy away. It is only then that she realizes that this is the first formal event Maura is attending after the kidnapping.

She takes the hand resting on the gear and squeezes Maura's. "If anyone asks anything you don't like, I'll punch them in the face." Maura smiles. "No, I swear I will."

"I know, Jane, but let's try and avoid resorting to violence, okay?"

Jane tilts her head noncommittally.

"Jane"

"We'll see."

Jane turns into the parking space and checks her hair in the mirror.

"You look great, Jane. Stop fussing."

Jane doesn't tell Maura she looks more radiant than the moon. She wouldn't find the right words anyway. Instead they make their way inside and after a few pleasantries head towards the open bar.

"How you doing?"

Maura lets go of the breath she has been holding ever since she walked in the doors. "You've successfully managed to keep any stray questions at bay with that glare you've been throwing at everyone who talks to us."

Jane smirks and takes a sip of her drink.

"So have you seen anyone interesting yet?"

"Maura, I am not here to look for a date. I'm sure you can find one without even trying though. Look at them ogling." Jane looks at Maura and knows exactly why they would be looking.

"Oh look. She seems interesting and I haven't seen her around before." Maura points at the redhead coming towards them. She is dressed in a tux with a black bowtie and Jane wishes she could be out of this dress too. The woman brushes off strands of her pixie cut falling inside the rim of her glasses and smiles wide before stopping by them.

"Hey. Caitlyn Lance, vice. You guys?"

"Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner." Maura extends her arm.

"Rizzoli, homicide." Jane moves to do the same.

"I'm surprised the police department managed to throw a party like this."

"They just pour out enough booze so you don't remember anything."

Caitlyn chuckled.

"Hey, I'm not complaining about that."

"Me neither."

"How long you two been together?"

It is Maura who jumps to exclaim. "What? We're not together."

The sharp edge in her tone stabs Jane in the heart and her face visibly dims down. Caitlyn just smiles turning to Jane.

"In that case, detective, care to dance?"

Jane looks between herself and Maura astounded as to how anyone could ask her to dance when someone like Maura is sitting right there.

"Me?" Jane raises her eyebrows.

Caitlyn nods and extends her hand waiting for Jane. Jane looks to Maura and she nudges her to go ahead.

"Uh I'm not really into... you know." Jane's cheeks flush red.

Caitlyn chuckles, "Relax, detective, just a dance."

Maura holds her breath as Jane takes Caitlyn's hand. Caitlyn pulls her off the chair and Jane's body collides against her. Maura turns away.

"So you have a first name, Rizzoli?" Maura overhears the sultry lilt that almost makes her scoff in the most unladylike fashion. But Maura Isles does not scoff at women who ask her best friend to dance, so instead she takes the last gulp of her drink and asks for another.

Caitlyn places her hands on Jane's waist swaying left to right on the dance floor.

"So you and Isles?"

"What about Maura and I?"

Caitlyn smiles. "Nothing."

"I've heard a lot about you."

The music shifts its beat and Jane takes the over the lead. "Good things I hope?"

"You're the hero up at homicide."

"Weird, I've never heard of you."

"New. Transferred last month."

"Well looks like I should be visiting vice more often." Jane traces her face with her eyes settling on her lips.

"Maybe you should." Caitlyn leans close enough to her ear that Jane can feel the warm breath tickle her skin. "You look beautiful in that dress, Jane."

Jane flushes red. The music stops and their hands fall away. Jane motions towards where Maura is talking to two cops she doesn't recognize. "I should head back."

Caitlyn nods. "Are you free for a drink tomorrow?"

"I don't know. Like I said, I'm not... you know."

"The word you're looking for is gay, Jane. It's just a drink."

"Okay," Jane looks anywhere, but woman staring at her, "Dirty Robber?"

"Not my first choice, but I'll take it."

Jane heads over to Maura and her presence make the cops leave immediately after a curt hello.

"You looked cozy."

Maura never gets drunk in public. Jane knows this for a fact. But the way Maura's words lilt tell her that maybe she has enjoyed one drink too many.

"It was just a dance."

Maura nods.

"Do you like her?"

"She seems nice."

"Nice? Look at her, Jane." Maura points across the hall.

"Maura maybe we should leave."

"Do you _like_ her?"

"Maura"

"Jane" She draws out the words slowly.

"Let's go."

"Only if you answer the question"

"Why does it matter?"

Maura tilts her head and considers this for a moment. "It doesn't. I'm sorry." She stands up and brushes her dress straight. "I need to use the ladies room."

"I can come -"

"No."

Jane watches Maura walk away and sighs as she orders a drink.

 **Hey everyone! Just wanted to say hi, and say thanks for still reading. I'd really like to know what you guys think about where this is going and if you want to make any suggestions I'm always open to adding new ideas.**


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Jane jumps off her bed startled by the sound of a glass shattering. Her hand automatically reaches for the gun at her side table and she slowly turns the door knob and heads down the hallway towards to source of the noise. The only light coming through is the nightlight on at the other end of the hallway. Faint sounds of feet shuffling in the kitchen wash away any lingering drowsiness and pull Jane wide awake.

She turns to the kitchen in swift motion pointing her gun at the frame crouched down on the floor. "Show me your hands!"

The figure turns around shocked and stumbles causing the pieces of glass in her hands to clatter to the floor and one particularly large one to lodge itself in her foot. "Jane!"

"Maura?"

Jane flicks on the light and Maura squints at her through narrowed eyes.

"Are you going to stop pointing that at me?"

Jane puts the gun down on the counter and crouches down in front of Maura. The blood trickling out of Maura's foot folds her forehead into concern. She gets up and hands the woman in the pink silk robe a towel.

"Don't pull it-" But before Jane can finish her sentence Maura has already pulled out the shard causing the blood to gush out.

"Relax. I'm the doctor here." Maura's words slur and Jane looks at her worried.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Maura doesn't look up at Jane. She inspects the wound intently and decides it doesn't need any stitches. "No." She fashions a bandage with the towel so her blood doesn't stain everything and carefully positions her hands to give her a boost off the floor.

Jane reaches out with a hand, but Maura pulls herself up.

"Go to sleep, Jane."

"I can't see you like this."

"Even more reason for you to go back to your room."

"Maura please just talk to me."

"What do you want to talk about, Jane?" Maura spits out the words.

Jane has seen many shades of this woman over the years that she has known her. She knows happy Maura. She knows sad Maura. She knows heartbroken Maura. She knows grieving Maura. She thought she know all the things she possibly could. Except she has never come across broken Maura before. This Maura spends her day at the office pretending everything is fine and her nights drinking an assortment of liquor and wine. Sometimes Jane walks into her room to find Maura curled up into her closet with the lights off. Sometimes she finds her perfectly normal like nothing ever happened. Sometimes they both pretend the nights never happen. She rarely ever finds her crying though. These days the woman leaning against the counter has two primary shades: angry and pretending. Jane is prepared to deal with either or both for as long as she has to.

"I want to help you, Maura."

"You can't help me."

"Let me look at that for you." She motions to her foot.

"I can take care of it. Doctor" She points to herself.

"Okay at least let me get the bandages. Sit down."

Jane makes her way inside before Maura nods. When Jane returns Maura is sitting as instructed, waiting for her. Jane unfolds the towel and dabs the wound clean. Maura does not protest and allows Jane to work.

"I can't get it out of my head. I am trying. I am trying so hard, Jane."

"I know you are, Maur. But you gotta keep trying, okay."

"I'm tired."

Jane nods. She understands the tired has nothing to do with the sleepless nights or the long days. The tired is something that has seeped into Jane's soul as well. It is something that shows no signs of leaving anytime soon.

"Come on." Jane gives her a hand, "Let's get you back to bed."

Maura lets Jane lead her to her bedroom. She slips under the covers, but holds onto Jane's hand. Jane nods and follows her onto the bed.

"I promise I will keep you safe."

A silence settles in where Jane stares at the ceiling and Maura lies with her eyes closed. When enough time passes that Jane feels Maura is asleep she starts to edge off the bed. Maura does not open her eyes, but her words freeze Jane in place.

"So Caitlyn?"

"What about her?"

"I saw you head over to the Dirty Robber with her yesterday."

"Yeah, we met up for a drink."

"She seems charming."

"That she is."

Maura runs circles over Jane's hand with her thumb.

"It is okay if it is more than a drink, Jane."

Jane does not dare to turn and face the other woman. This feels like permission. But permission would imply there was something here to leave. Permission would imply Maura is letting her go. And right now, sharing a bed with this beautiful woman Jane wants to be held on to forever.

"She is a woman."

"She is."

Jane turns to face her. She tries to read her eyes, but Maura's eyes give away nothing. She keeps staring anyway. Neither of the pair pulls away their gaze.

Jane is taken by equal parts shock and wonder when Maura leans forward and her lips brush against Jane's. It only lasts a brief second, but Jane remains frozen in place long after. Maura pulls back and lets her head rest on the pillow a few inches away.

She isn't sure if she has let go of her breath. She isn't sure if she wants to. After all, this moment could shatter and she could wake up to find it has only been a dream. Jane holds her breath for as long as she can, but by the time she lets go Maura's eyes are already closed and this time she is asleep.

The sun rises with Jane Rizzoli pacing back and forth in front of Maura's bed, her eyes weary, but her posture alert. When Maura rubs her eyes open and squints at the clock to look at the time Jane turns to face her.

"Why are you awake so early?"

"You mean so late."

"Okay. Why are you awake so late, Jane?" Maura sits up straighter. "Is everything alright?"

"Last night?"

"Oh the kitchen is still a mess. Don't worry I'll take care of it."

"Maura, are you kidding me?"

"I'm sorry." Maura's voice is barely above a whisper, "I will try and cut back on the drinking. I promise, Jane. I am also sorry about my behavior towards you. It would appear I am not pleasant when I overindulge in alcohol."

"Maura," Jane's words fall away when she realizes Maura does not remember where the only thing Jane can remember is the ghost of Maura's soft lips against hers.

"Did I do something I don't recall?"

Jane pauses and Maura stares expectantly with raised eyebrows.

"You told me to go for it with Caitlyn."

"Oh," Maura nods. "She seems like a wonderful woman. You should."

"You sure about that?"

"Did I do something embarrassing, Jane?"

Jane knows she will probably kick herself later for not brining this up, but she doesn't want to rock the boat and end up causing it capsize. She runs a finger over her lips.

"Nothing"

Maura eyes her skeptically, but lets it go.

* * *

Jane leaves early for work and Maura stays behind. She doesn't change out of her robe, instead heads to the kitchen to pour another cup of coffee before getting to work sorting out the mess she left behind the night before. She gathers the stray shards of the broken wine glass and discards them appropriately. She mops the floor with more vigor than is necessary and then she flings the mop across the kitchen.

Maura takes a deep breath. She doesn't like these new changes to her personality. She enjoyed being a happy person. She enjoyed life. She enjoyed living. She enjoyed going to work. She enjoyed coming home and watching terrible movie with Jane. She enjoyed waking up and having breakfast with the Jane. She enjoyed the little things and the big things. Only now nothing seems to be able to pierce through the thick layer of anger than has encased her. Dr. Janz helps, but even she can only do so much. Maura has never let anything get to her like this before, but she supposes the PTSD attached to spending 67 days in captivity is something that could throw off anyone.

She closes her eyes and sees Jane's face as she pulls away from the kiss. She replays it over and over until she has exhausted every possible outcome of telling Jane why she did it. None of them seem like they will turn out well. Maura is not the same woman who went into that basement. Jane deserves more than someone who can barely pull themselves together and Maura fears that she could never again be that person. So instead she sips her coffee and thinks about Caitlyn Lance in Jane's arms.

 **Reasons why mind reading would be really cool, yeah?**


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Jane has never kissed a girl before. Walking through the precinct all she can think about is Maura's lips against hers. The ghost of her touch has Jane in its thrall so much so that when Caitlyn stops to wave to her Jane walks straight into her. Her cheeks flush as she fumbles for words. Caitlyn throws on her effortlessly charming smile and cocks an eyebrow.

"Thinking about tonight, are you Jane?"

Jane's eyebrows jump up. All she can hear is night. Last night. "Uhh..." Jane is not a woman who stares at other women completely at a loss for words. But Caitlyn Lance has one button too many undone for a place of work and her hips curve up just right enough to make bite her tongue and her eyes gleam in their confidence without a shred of cocky arrogance and she is poised and she is beautiful and if Jane were not still thinking about ravaging the skin of another woman she would be tempted to take Caitlyn into an empty closet or an office with doors and satiate that throbbing at her center.

"Jane?" Caitlyn waves a hand in front of her snapping Jane back to the hallway.

"Yeah, of course. Robber. 8?"

"It's a date."

Jane flushes yet again, but says nothing this time. Caitlyn walks away making sure Jane's eyes follow her.

* * *

Eight p.m. arrives much too soon for Jane's liking and she still has not finished her paperwork for the day. She can't bring herself to go down to see Maura so instead she closes the files that have been sitting unattended on her desk for the past few hours and heads over to freshen up before her meeting with Caitlyn. Jane is still wary of calling it a date, but she knows what it is. She thinks her Ma might know too judging by the way she keeps pushing Caitlyn and her together at the café.

Jane sits at the bar waiting for Caitlyn to arrive. It takes Caitlyn two beers to get there. Her breathing is heavy as if she ran over, but she looks flawless as ever and Jane wonders if she has a type. Brilliant, witty, breath taking women who are sharp dressers. Caitlyn could not be more different that Maura and yet Jane keeps drawing up the similarities.

Caitlyn has another button undone and Jane does her best not to look, but her eyes make their way down there every now and again.

"Sorry. I got caught up."

"It's fine. You're just going to have to catch up quick." Jane holds up her empty bottle.

"Won't be a problem." Caitlyn flashes a smile ordering a round.

Jane is still in her standard work outfit, but the moment Caitlyn takes off her coat, her ensemble transforms into the center of attention. And yet again Jane is in the company of a woman who shines so easily.

They move to a booth and Caitlyn carries the conversation making Jane feel like she can talk about anything and everything and they do. Caitlyn brushes her leg against Jane's and reaches for her hand. She throws in exaggerated wink. She smiles. She laughs. And she is perfect. Jane toys with the other woman's fingers smiling back. It is only then that she realizes that she has not romantically clicked this well with anyone in a long time, if ever.

Caitlyn laughs when Jane narrates a story about Tommy and then counters with one of her own. They go back and forth until Jane gets up to go to the bathroom. Caitlyn follows. It is unexpected when it happens, but Jane makes no move to stop Caitlyn's arms coming around her waist and her mouth coming closer until their lips meet.

The way Caitlyn's lips feel against her own, she thinks she could get used to this. She has met men before who kiss with passion, working hard to show off technique, but Caitlyn doesn't assert her dominance. She kisses like she could keep doing this, keep giving Jane the room to lead, but also slowly pushing her up against the wall, her hands low on her waist. There is no beard, no stubble, just the redhead's smooth skin and soft hands cupping her face. The seconds have turned into minutes and Caitlyn's hands move down to undo the buttons of Jane's shirt. And suddenly it feels like she is back to being fifteen years old behind the bleachers at school with Jimmy Chambers. The hair at the back of her neck instantly stand stark with her heart thumping harder. Except unlike Jimmy she doesn't have to shove off Caitlyn, the other woman just pulls away.

"Hey, you alright?"

It takes Jane a minute to gather herself. "Yeah. Sorry I've just never done this" Jane shrugs, "with another woman."

"We don't have to go any further."

Jane nods and just like that Caitlyn turns to the mirror to straighten her shirt.

"Come on," she holds the door open for Jane, "let me buy you a drink."

It feels easy with her. Jane smiles as Caitlyn takes her hand into her own and lets the door close behind them. This is definitely a date.

The loud bustling of the place is jarring against the quiet of the ladies room. Jane pulls out a barstool and gestures for Caitlyn to sit down. She smiles and settles down. Jane pulls out the barstool next to her and calls out to for two beers.

"The lady is buying tonight."

Caitlyn chuckles.

"You know that kiss didn't tell me you've never been with a woman before."

Jane shrugs as a blush creeps up her cheeks. "What can I say, Lance, I'm just that good."

Caitlyn's hand brushes her thigh and it is then that Jane notices a certain medical examiner glaring at her date. She instantly stiffens drawing Caitlyn's eye to the subject of her attention.

"Isn't that Dr. Isles?"

"Yeah."

"You should go say hi."

Jane raises her eyebrows.

"I'll still be here. I wouldn't count on your drink to do the same." She inches her fingers towards Jane's bottle.

In any other situation she would have found this woman charming, but Maura had caught her eye and quickly turned away her attention and the bottom of Jane's gut had fallen out.

Jane stops a few paces short of the table at which Maura is toying with her salad. She waits for the other woman to give her her attention when Maura makes no motion to she takes a deep breath and moves closer in. "Hey. I didn't see you there."

"Jane, hello. It's rude to leave your date."

She motions to Caitlyn and redhead waves at the pair.

"Do you want to join us?"

"Oh no." Maura says faster than Jane can blink. "Actually I think I've had enough social contact for the day." She lifts her purse and gets off the chair. "I'll see you at home, Jane."

Jane nods letting her rush past her without another word. She heads back to the woman waiting for her at the bar slightly dazed.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah." Jane smiles. "I have a beautiful date. Everything is fantastic."

Caitlyn blushes.

"Speaking of beautiful. I know this spectacular view just around the block that you have to see."

Jane finishes the last of the drink and gets up.

"Lead the way."

 **Sorry if I've missed out a couple of proof reading errors. Hope you enjoyed it :)**


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

 **You'll like this.**

When Jane comes back home the house is dark and silent. Maura has already gone to bed and the only thing she can hear is the 2 am creaking of the night. She puts down her keys on the counter and opens the fridge for a cold glass of water. The smile that has been on her face all evening is still drawn on. She likes Caitlyn. But that doesn't come as a surprise to the detective because Caitlyn is the kind of person everyone likes. What does hit her is that she actually likes her. Likes kissing her. Likes laughing with her. Likes spending time with her.

Jane picks up her things and heads to her own room. The light entering the hallway from the crack under Maura's door makes Jane stop in her tracks. Maura either forgot to turn it off or is still wide awake. And Jane knows Maura never forgets things like turning off the lights. She shouldn't feel this guilty but the mucky feeling flooding her gut is not concerned with what she should or should not be feeling. She turns away from the source of her discomfort and walks into her own room. She drops her coat on the floor and meets the comfy bed on her back.

The night is long and restless. Jane cannot keep Caitlyn off her mind, but even as she thinks of the woman who claims to actually like her, guilt swarms her gut. The feeling of betraying both Maura and Caitlyn is enough to keep Jane tossing and turning. She likes Caitlyn, she really does and with her it is easy and fun, but how can she be with someone else when her heart and soul already belongs to another? Jane raises every question she has ever had about her feelings until exhaustion finally claims her.

* * *

Morning arrives much too soon for Jane's liking and is accompanied by the sounds of Angela cooking breakfast. Jane drags herself to the source of the ruckus to find Maura already sipping on her coffee engaged in a conversation with her mother.

"Jane we didn't see you come in last night and I tried to stay up." Angela creases her eyebrow into a question. "Did you have a good time?"

Maura whispers something under her breath that neither of the other two women catches.

"I did." Jane smiles. "You seemed to be up late too, Maura."

"I had some reading to finish."

"You shouldn't work yourself too hard, Maura. Reading in the middle of the night?" Angela voices Jane's question, but with less incredulity.

Jane falls silent taking the plate Angela hands her. She sits down next to Maura and pushes a piece of egg back and forth.

"Alright, girls. I will see you at work."

Angela picks up the purse off the counter and heads out the door leaving an awkward silence, the first in a long time, to settle between the pair left behind.

"Did it go well?" Maura asks a few minutes after the door has shut behind Angela.

Jane nods. "Yes."

"Maybe I could meet her sometime?"

Jane raises her eyebrows in panic, "I don't know, Maur..."

"Maybe when you're ready."

"Yeah, maybe."

Jane toys with the scrambled eggs on her plate and doesn't make any move to reach for her coffee. She looks at Maura from the corner of her eye every now and again, but the words bursting to slip out are restrained by the feeling of doom creeping around her gut. Maura slowly finishes up her breakfast and stands up to clear the dishes.

When Maura has her back to Jane she finally dares to ask the nagging question. "Are we okay?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Maura turns with a curved eyebrow. Her breath is uneven and on any other day Jane would have seen it right away, but today Jane is a bit unsure about everything herself.

"I didn't want to bring it up because you were drunk and you probably didn't mean it. But I need to know if it was a thing?"

The pounding inside Maura's chest thuds louder than any drum she has ever heard and the illogical part of her is surprised that Jane can't actually hear it without the assistance of a stethoscope.

"What are we talking about?" She says carefully stringing together the words.

"You know" Jane shrugs.

Maura gulps. But for the first time in a few days Jane holds firm in front of the other woman. "I don't want to speculate, Jane."

"You kissed me."

Maura lets go of a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Her lips curve into an O and she can barely hold Jane's piercing gaze. "That." She curls and uncurls her fingers in an attempt to give herself something to do.

"That." Jane nods standing up to move closer to the other woman. "What was it?"

"A drunken mistake, of course." Maura is quick to reply and Jane is startled by the blow of the words.

Jane's mouth dries up as she backs away. "Right, of course." Her grip on the counter has turned her knuckles white, but she stands steady. "Well, I should leave then."

Jane turns around, her heart pacing and her throat suddenly dry, and Maura's hand reaches to scratch the hives breaking out over her skin.

* * *

"Good morning, detective." Caitlyn smiles as she brings her arms around Jane. Her lips graze the taller woman's. She leans in close enough to Jane's ear for her warm breath to send a shiver down her spine. "Maybe we'll pick this up after your shift?"

Jane nods with a strained smile plastered over her mouth. "Yeah."

Caitlyn raises her eyebrow, but before she can voice her question Korsak comes in and Jane pulls away faster than she would have run out of a burning house. She waves a quick goodbye and walks away as fast as she can.

"Since when is that a thing?" Korsak raises his eyebrows following Jane toward the bullpen.

"It isn't. She's not- We're not- Just let it go, Korsak."

He raises his hands with a smile drawn over his face. He only wants the young woman to be happy, but he knows Jane well enough to know how prone to running away she is. If she even feels like she is being cornered, especially about something like this, she will bolt.

"They have something for us down there, mind going to take a look at it?"

Jane sighs. It is not as if she expected to hide, but it was only two hours ago that she had her heart stomped over. "Sure." The word comes out strangled, but Korsak takes it.

Jane heads to the lift as slowly as she possibly can. She wants to drag out this moment to drown out that moment in the kitchen. She pushes the button down with dread swarming her gut. She should have just let it go. She should never have probed and prodded, broached something that could only have been a drunken mistake.

The lift doors part and Jane can hear faint voices of Maura and Suzie engaged in a debate at a distance. She walks towards the source and the conversation dies down just as she is spotted by Maura. She exchanges pleasantries with Suzie before pausing to look at Maura. Something feels off. She just doesn't know if it is because of the conversation they had earlier and if the feeling will ever go away. She could get into it, ask Maura if they are okay, but before she can even consider it Caitlyn comes around the corner heading straight towards her and Jane silently chides herself for standing so close to the only way up.

"Hey," Caitlyn smiles as if Jane's heart is not pounding a mile a minute. "You following me, Rizzoli?" She doesn't wait for a reply. "Nice to see you again, Dr. Isles." She extends an arm and Maura shakes it.

"Maura is fine. If you are dating my best friend, you call me Maura."

Suzie raises her eyebrows.

"Maura it is."

Silence drifts in, with the only sound shuffling of feet.

"You could cut the tension in here with a knife. Who died?" Caitlyn attempts to break the silence.

Maura raises her eyes to meet Jane's and Suzie breaks the awkward haze with a forced chuckle.

"We should go." Jane points towards the morgue.

Caitlyn nods, but Jane doesn't wait for any goodbyes. Maura leads the way and Jane follows her. She holds her breath until the morgue doors close behind her.

Suzie measures Caitlyn, looking her up and down and then smiles, understanding dawning on her. "I'm Suzie."

"Caitlyn Lance."

"You're dating detective Rizzoli?"

"A little"

"A little?"

"We just started going out."

Suzie cringes. "At least you're not another beard." She whispers under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Good luck. Her men, or well partners, don't tend to last long."

"I have a feeling I know why."

"Do you, really?"

"Are they actually a thing or do they just not know it yet?"

"I think they're pretty oblivious."

Caitlyn nods, a rueful smile on her face. "Figured as much. Thank you, Suzie."

* * *

Jane paces back and forth as Maura arranges her findings.

Maura puts down the notebook in her hand and sighs. She bites her lip and closes her eyes. "I am so sorry, Jane."

"I can't do this anymore, Maura."

Maura turns around to face her and finds Jane staring at her intently. She knows this look well. It is when Jane has decided to do something and nothing in the world will make her change her mind about it, but Maura is going to try anyway. "Jane-"

"I can't play games." Jane cuts her off, "I can't pretend I don't feel the things I do."

"Please don't." Maura's voice is low but audible. Jane chooses to ignore it.

"I love you, Maura." Jane steps closer to her and all Maura wants to do is shrink and disappear. "I am in love with you. Have been for as long as I can remember."

* * *

 **So? We've made progress, haven't we?**

 **What does Maura do?**


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Jane stands with her back straight and her eyes never leaving Maura's, but Maura takes a step back and looks away.

"I can't, Jane, I can't." The crack in Maura's voice is painful to hear, but Jane refuses to back down. Not when she has come this far. But the only thing keep Maura upright is her fiercely tightened grip on the metal table.

"You can't what, Maur?"

"I can't do this."

Jane nods. "I understand. You don't have to share my feelings."

Maura sighs. This is getting worse by the second and all she wants to do is turn off all the lights and crawl into a small space so she can breathe.

"You deserve more than this, Jane. So much more."

"Let me choose what I deserve."

"It isn't me."

Jane takes a step back. Maura loosens her grip, but her hands tremble with a fear that has nothing to do with her feelings for Jane. She was always ready for this moment to come change their relationship, but now she is not herself anymore, and the person standing in her skin does not belong with Jane. Her constantly self-destructing self cannot be allowed to touch Jane that way.

"You like Caitlyn, you can be happy with her."

Jane nods. "I guess I don't have a choice. I can't change the way you feel. Perhaps it is best that I find another place to stay."

Maura's eyes go wide. She should have seen it coming. "You don't have to do that. You are more than welcome to stay at my place for as long as you like. We are still friends, Jane."

"I need time to be friends."

Maura nods. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Jane offers a half-hearted smile before she leaves the morgue. She pushes the elevator button, the door open and she stands there. She never did get what she came down for. Jane grits her teeth and turns back towards the morgue. She isn't going to let her relationship with Maura interfere with her work, but that doesn't make it any easier to push the door open.

She finds Maura on the floor with her cheeks wet and her eyes wide in surprise as she looks at Jane. Maura quickly wipes away the moisture with the sleeve of her lab coat. She doesn't care if it doesn't look seemly to be wiping her face with her clothing. She isn't going to let Jane see this. Well, she can't really change that anymore.

"Hey," Jane kneels down in front of Maura. She takes Maura's hand in her own. Maura looks at Jane and sees how much the other woman is holding together in the glint of her eyes and she can't keep it together anymore. The tears escape without her consent and Jane pulls Maura in for a hug. "We'll be okay, Maura. I promise. We will be fine."

"I feel broken, Jane. Nothing I do feels right anymore."

"You are not broken. You are perfect. You will always be perfect."

"I don't know, Jane, I don't know. I don't see me here anymore, it feels like I am an imposter standing at the edge of my conscience and I don't want to breathe."

"Listen to me. What you went through, most people don't survive. Others survive the terror and then they don't make it in the world after. I'm not going to let that happen to you. You can't let that happen to you, okay? You are needed here. I need you."

"I'm sorry, Jane."

"Sssh, it's okay. You'll be okay."

"Why did you come back?"

"Report on the case. Korsak said you had something, but I can come back later. It's okay."

"No. This is important."

"Maura, maybe you need a minute."

Maura starts to protest but realizes she does actually need to gather herself and she can't do that with Jane right there. She nods.

"I'll be back."

Jane leaves Maura in the morgue and heads back to the bullpen. She sits idling at her desk mulling over thoughts and over thinking feelings while toying with a pencil between her fingers.

"What did they have?" Korsak comes over to her desk after a while has passed.

Jane stares at him for a second still waiting for her train of thought to collapse. "Morgue. Right. They'll get back to me in a little while."

Korsak raises his eyebrows.

"Everything alright?"

Jane smiles and nods and he knows enough to walk away. "Find me when you have something, I have a feelings he's going to run."

Jane nods again.

She gets up to go grab a cup of coffee downstairs to find a lively chat going on between her mother and Caitlyn.

"Hey, Janie come on over." Angela waves, "We were just talking about you."

"Were you? Good things, I hope?"

Caitlyn smiles. "Of course."

"We need to talk." Jane's voice is low with a tinge of hesitation.

"I figured."

Angela raises her eyebrows. She pours Jane a cup and leaves the pair alone.

"I really like you, Caitlyn. You're something special."

"Cut to the chase, Rizzoli."

"I can't be with you."

Caitlyn nods seemingly unaffected. The air of cool and collected confidence that she always carries hangs around her. "So you and Dr. Isles? Did that happen?"

"How-"

"Are you insulting my intelligence?"

Jane looks away. Her throat is dry and all she wants is to go home- no not home, just somewhere she can be alone without Maura or Caitlyn or anything else.

"No, it did not. But I can't date you knowing I'm in love with someone else. I'm sorry."

"Thank you for at least being upfront about it."

"I really liked you, Caitlyn."

"I really liked you too, Jane." Caitlyn finishes the last of her soda. "I hope you get the girl."

Jane offers a nervous chuckle. "This is ridiculously civil." She is sure that if she sips her coffee it will not stay down.

"I'm not chasing a girl who so clearly belongs with someone else." Caitlyn stands up and brushes her shirt straight. "I'll see you around, Rizzoli."

Jane sits there watching her walk away. She has to go back to the morgue.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

 **I intended to get this out to you much sooner than this, apologies. It is the final chapter before the epilogue.**

When Jane enters the morgue again she finds a body covered up on the table with no sign of the Chief Medical Examiner anywhere. She turns around and heads towards Maura's office. That is usually where the paperwork is; perhaps Maura is finishing it up. Jane pushes open the door only to find another room with no Maura Isles. She goes through the files on the table searching for the report she came looking for, but when she finds nothing she leans against the table and sighs. Her gut is flooded with a feeling she cannot name or explain, but it is drowning her from the inside out and it takes everything she has in her to pull herself together and stand straight when Suzie walks into the room.

"Detective, Dr. Isles had to leave," Suzie comes forward holding out a file in her hand, "She left this for you."

Jane looks over the name. "Thanks, Suzie."

"Are you okay? You look a little pale."

Jane nods with a small smile. "It's just been a long day."

"Dr. Isles said something along those lines."

"It's a rough case."

"Of course" Suzie offers her an understanding smile.

Jane moves to leave the office, but she stops her. "I don't think she went home, Jane."

"What do you mean?"

"She didn't look too good."

Jane nods. "Do you know where?"

Suzie shakes her head.

"Thanks, Suzie." She holds up the file. "Better get back up there."

Jane taps her foot against the floor of the lift. Her finger twitches. There is a panic in her chest that has nothing to do with the report in her hand. She rushes over to Korsak's desk as soon as the lift doors part.

"It's him. We got him." Jane drops the file on the table.

"Okay, let's go get the son of a bitch then."

"Actually, I was hoping I could sit this one out." Jane fidgets with her fingers.

Korsak looks at her, his forehead folding in concern. "Hey, if something is wrong you can always talk to me."

"I know. I just have something I need to do if that's okay."

He nods. "Okay then. We'll head out."

Jane knows where to go look for Maura. After all, she has found the other woman on the bridge more than just that one time since she came back. Every time Jane thinks of that one time, the first time, her chest contracts and she can swear it is her heart shriveling up inside. She grits her teeth. She remembers the feeling flooding her gut sharply in her mind. It was sheer terror with a tinge of helplessness. She had rushed over to find Maura standing against the railing and had assumed the worst. It had taken Maura a whole twenty minutes to calm her down and assure her that she wasn't going to jump. The bridge was merely a great spot to watch the sunset.

Jane drives over and finds Maura in almost the same spot she is in every time. She walks up and pauses behind her. The sun is low and as it sinks the sky is flooded with a darker and darker shade of orange that is reflected in the water. She has always loved watching the shades melt into each other. There is something about these moments that calms everything inside her. Her body relaxes and she understands completely why Maura likes this spot. It is perfect.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Maura doesn't have to turn around to know that it is the detective standing behind her.

Jane looks at the way Maura's hair catches the fading sunlight. Her hair flows in the wind and yet remains flawless. She stands with a large khaki shawl draped around her shoulders, dressed in one of her less fabulous, runway-ready attire: a simple cream blouse and beige pants, but she still looks as exquisite as the day Jane fell for her. Jane nods, "Yeah, beautiful."

"Don't you have a killer to go after?"

Jane doesn't say anything for a while. She stares at the setting sun and Maura doesn't turn around to look at her.

"Why?" She finally says. And her voice is worn down with the weight and desperation of her breaking heart.

Maura bites her lip. She didn't expect it to be easy to shrug Jane off. "I don't want to hurt you."

Jane laughs dryly, "Too late for that, Maur."

"Why now? When there was so much time before, why have you brought this up now, Jane?" Maura turns to face her. "It's not like this is something new."

Jane doesn't mention the kiss.

"So you admit this is something."

Maura rolls her eyes. "This has always been something."

"Then why are you fighting it?"

"Because, Jane!"

"Because what, Maura? What is it that you are so terrified of?" Jane lets go of the restraint that wouldn't allow her to raise her voice in the morgue.

"Something inside me broke in that basement and I don't know how to put it back together again, Jane. I feel like I'm broken. Why would you want someone who is broken? It is irrational. Especially when someone like Caitlyn is right there and clearly likes you quite a bit." Maura shrugs to mask her vulnerability.

"Because no matter how wonderful and amazing Caitlyn is, she isn't you, Maura, she isn't you. And she never will be." Jane takes a step closer, "I told her that. I don't think I can ever love anyone that way that I love you."

Maura backs away. "I don't want you to love me, Jane."

"That isn't going to change. And nothing you say will change that." Jane shrugs. "The question is do you love me?"

Maura doesn't answer for a moment that seems to stretch on for an eternity. The sun has sunk into the horizon before she finally pulls together the courage to voice what she has wanted to say for years.

"Enough to let it consume me entirely"

"That's all I need."

Maura nods. She can have this. She can have Jane. She knows how bullheaded the detective can be and now that she knows the feelings exist both ways she will never let it go.

"I love you, Jane Rizzoli. I have always loved you." Maura takes Jane's hand into her own.

"I love you too, Maura, with everything I have." Jane smiles.

"Little bit ridiculous how cheesy the setting is, don't you think?" Jane chuckles.

Maura laughs.

"Did you plan it, Doctor?"

She shakes her head and pulls Jane in with one hand on her waist and the other tangling itself into her hair. She brushes her lips against the anxious pair. Maura pulls away and the look on Jane's face is enough to tell her this is the right thing to do so she goes in for a proper kiss.

 **Last one coming soon.**


	20. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

 **The final one. I really hope you'll like it.**

"Which one?" The brunette holds up two bowties for the other woman to asses.

"The black is classier, Jane." She takes the red one from her hand and tucks it into the open drawer. "You've asked me this four times already."

"Well sorry, I want everything to be perfect." Jane rolls her eyes.

Maura smiles at her wife and leaves a quick peck on her cheek. "You look breathtaking, hon."

"Why, Doctor, are you coming on to me?" Jane raises her eyebrows and catches Maura's wrist with a sleazy grin draw on her face.

"We don't have time, Jane."

Jane's hands find themselves low around Maura's back as she leans in to kiss her wife. "There is always time to kiss my lovely wife."

Maura leans into the kiss her hands making sure not to mess up Jane's hair as they make their way over her body. She pulls Jane' shirt out of her pants and slips her hand under it to meet warm flesh. Jane's stomach is still fit after all these years and it makes her smile onto the other woman's lips. She pulls away with a last tug on Jane's bottom lip with her teeth before the heat of the moment causes her to actually start taking off clothes.

"You look positively ravishing in that dress, my love." Jane looks Maura up and down. The low cut neckline of the red dress accents Maura's prominent collarbone perfectly. It slips onto her like a glow highlighting every beautiful curve of her body. And all Jane wants to do is push her up against the dresser and slip her hands under the dress. But Jane is a patient woman. She can wait to do that after the party.

Maura smiles with a blush creeping up on her cheeks. Jane wonders even after twenty-five years together how this woman could possibly have chosen her of all people.

Jane tucks in her shirt and straightens her suit jacket. "You would have murdered me if I had even left a crease on you dress."

Maura chuckles, "Probably."

"Come on, they're probably waiting downstairs."

Maura waits at the door for Jane with an elegant gold clutch in one hand and the doorknob in the other.

"Wait," Jane fumbles in the top drawer of the dresser before she pulls out a small box with a smile spread wide across her face. "I got you something."

She hands the box over to Maura. The other woman opens it to find a silver chain with a sapphire pendant inside. Her face instantly lights up and she looks at Jane with wide eyes. "It's the one from the shop?"

Jane nods. She had made sure to go buy the exact piece Maura was eyeing on their last trip.

"It's beautiful, Jane!"

"Happy anniversary," Jane smiles at the sheer joy on her wife's face. These are the moments she lives for, where Maura's eyes are lit up brighter than the stars in the sky and she knows she is the one who made that happen.

"I thought we were exchanging gifts after the party?" Maura tilts her head.

"I couldn't wait."

Maura takes the necklace out of the box and hands it to Jane. "Put it on then."

Jane obliges. She moves the locks of golden brown to a side and puts on the clasp.

Maura quickly makes her way to the mirror. "I love it. Thank you." She kisses her wife.

"Let's not keep them waiting. You know how they can get." Jane motions towards to door.

Maura makes her way down the stairs and Jane follows behind. The front door waits open with a boy almost as tall as Jane but with Maura's eyes pacing back and forth and a girl with Jane's dark hair, almost fifteen, leaning against the railing of the porch.

Maura shakes her head and runs her hands through the boy's hair. "Why can't you just comb your hair, Aidan?"

Aidan rolls his eyes. "Why can't you be on time for once, Mom?"

"Don't talk back to your mother, Aidan." Jane's voice is stern as she locks the door.

"Happy Anniversary!" The girl comes up and hugs both women. "So Aidan and I got you guys something, it's more of a retirement plus anniversary gift." She hands over an envelope to Maura.

Maura opens it to find two plane tickets to Rome and smiles at her children. "Thank you."

Jane puts an arm around her daughter's shoulders as they walk down to the car. "It's a very thoughtful gift, Kara, Aidan. Thank you, honey." She smiles at Aidan.

"Where is your sister?" Maura looks around as Jane holds open the car door for her.

"She had to go get Matt," Aidan replies getting into the back seat.

Jane is glad Chris is bringing her son to the party. She gets to see her grandkid so rarely.

The drive is short, but she makes sure to enjoy every moment of having most of her family together in one place before she has to pull over and get out. They find that mostly everyone has already arrived. They are welcomed with the loud burst of a party horn and confetti falling into their hair and clothes. Neither of the pair is too worried about brushing off the mess, but Aidan complains under his breath. He brushes off confetti covering his tux before pulling his sister away towards to juice bowl near the bar.

Jane takes hold of Maura's hand and they make their way inside. Jane had her reservations about letting Frankie take over the party planning, but besides the giant banner that says 'Enjoy Retirement You Oldies' she is quite happy with the whole setup.

Maura is glad that they agreed to have their anniversary and retirement party together. She is gladder that Jane stuck to her promise and actually retired with her as promised so they could finally spend time travelling and just relaxing in each other's company. She wanted to spend time with her grandkids, not worry about Jane getting shot at or late nights at the morgue. This was going to be good.

Jane brings back two glasses of champagne from a waiter passing by and offers one to her wife. "It's pretty good." She raises a glass to Frankie. "You did good."

"With you breathing down my neck, didn't have a choice, did I?" He shakes his head.

Korsak laughs and breaks into a cough. He hasn't been doing all that well. Kiki places a hand on his shoulder. "No drinking for you tonight."

"Aye aye, madam." He nods.

Frankie calls over Nina and her fiancé as Angela settles down on a chair. Jane looks around the round table and can't imagine what it is going to feel like to not see these people every day, but she made a promise and she is going to stick by it. Besides, she can't wait to spend all her time with Maura and their kids and their grandkid and hopefully more grandchildren coming soon.

Frankie calls up a waiter and hands everyone a glass. Korsak holds up his, earning him a frown from his wife, "A toast to old times."

"To old times" Everyone repeats and clinks their glasses.

The entire place is full of people. There are those that have respected Maura as a colleague and a professional and are here to wish her well after stepping down as the Chief Medical Examiner after years of service. There are those that have worked for years with Jane in the police department. There are friends they have made over the years there to wish them a happy wedding anniversary. And then there are a few family members. Put together, there are a lot of people.

Maura pulls Jane away from the table to go mingle with their guests. They shake hands and hug until Jane can't stand another person invading her personal space so she pulls Maura away to a secluded corner.

"Where are the kids?"

Maura points towards the bar where Aidan is enjoying a drink while his sister munches on some snack she can't identify from that far away.

Jane shakes her head. "I hope that is a juice or I'm going to-"

Maura turns Jane's face towards her. "Let him be. Just for today."

She places a quick kiss on her wife's lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, honey."

"Ugh, you guys get a room." Chris settles down on the chair beside her mothers.

She holds out the child in her hands and Maura takes him. "He's yours for the night, enjoy!"

"You look exhausted." Jane fusses with her daughter's blouse. "Are you getting enough sleep? Where is that husband of yours?"

"He's somewhere, Ma." She shrugs. Jane knows exactly where he is. She glances towards the bar and frowns. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? We can help out with Matt as much as you want, you know?"

"Let the girl be, honey." Maura stops bouncing her grandson in her lap for a moment to place a hand on her wife's lap.

"Happy anniversary" Chris hugs Jane and then Maura before backing away from the table. "I'm going to see what Aidan and Kara are up to."

"Tell Aidan he had better not be drinking!" Jane calls after her.

"Aren't you my sweet little man?" Maura coos to the child in her arms.

"I can't believe he is one already." Jane takes his hand and lets him wrap it around her finger. "I still remember when your mama was five and we brought her home."

"Mama," he points at Maura.

"Grandma," Jane points at Maura.

"Mama," he repeats laughing and Jane just smiles.

"Okay, kid."

It is two hours later that Angela has taken custody of Matt and Maura pulls her wife to the dance floor. They sway back and forth with Jane's hands resting on Maura's waist and Maura's head on Jane's shoulder. She remembers the first time she danced with her wife like this. It was their fourth date and Maura had taken them to some fancy place that Jane had whined about until she was dragged onto the dance floor and could hold Maura this close and feel the warmth of her skin. She had taken her home that night and they had shared the same bed ever since.

THE END

 **Thank you all for reading all the way to the end. You guys have kept me going even when I wanted to end the story quickly and get it over with. Thanks for giving me the motivation to do this story some justice. You're all awesome! See you another time with a different story.**


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